liam

liam
my grandson the yoda lol

Saturday 28 April 2012

Married 33 years today - wow how did that happen lol !

Married 33 years omg omg !!! well i dont know where the years have gone 

Wednesday 25 April 2012

GRANDSONS 15 today :)

TODAY OUR LOVELY LIAM IS 15 already looking all grown up - omg where has time gone

With heavy heart :( but let down and disappointed (again) i move on

Should i be used to this? i guess so, nothing really changes - people are out for theirselves. I guess my up bringing was different to pretty much everyone else that seems to be around me.  I was taught to work things out to move on to apologise and realise when wrong, but to stand my ground so long as i believed i was right but in doing so find a compromise. 

Its sad when you trust some one and they let you down more so over some pettiness they have thrown out of proportion. When they jump in without thinking or taking note of what others say then thats just unfair but there is no where to go when they dont want to listen or see 


So its forced me to say goodbye to not only the night out and the game of darts i love to play but also to what i thought was a friend or rather friends.
I cant allow them to drag me down - i've fought long and hard and still fighting to be at peace and have a peaceful life, i just cant let anyone take me down a road that could take me back to all that pain and heartache, even if it means the loss of 'friends' ? well their behaviour has made me think twice at calling them that. Im clearly not a factor to them, that some thing so petty could make them treat me as they have so, moving on from them is sad but ive lost people who i loved and loved me too and  permanantly so im accepting that they are no longer going to be a part of my life, maybe things would change in the future (although i know things would never be the same) but for now its time to move on and away from the drama. :/







Monday 23 April 2012

Sad days and sadder ones :S

Some things its seems just are never going to improve - perhaps is me, why is it people think they can treat me like crap? that there is one rule for them and another for me ?? and then when you say about it they  have the nerve to blame you for what they are doing wrong GRRRRRRRRR

Maybe if i just seperate myself from people ??? my friends can treat me like shite i guess im not safe with anyone :( I wont be playing darts any more just because one person cant go without a drink for a couple of hours even though they practically live in the pub anyway! Saddens me but i have to look after myself now and they are just  bringing me down and trampling all over me. Im not willing to put up with it so im the baddy and ive had to leave (my choice)
Im moving on - i have to do this for myself, i have learnt from my past and though it means leaving what were once my friends behind, i now think of me and after all they havent thought of me have they ?

So moving on .............

Diet..... ummm seems to be going ok did aquacise tonight - not sure i can keep it up due to the price my foods not doing quite so good but i have definately cut down just not making good choices. 
I am chuffed to be under 200lbs i did get to my heaviest a while back got back down and went back up i managed to come down some and yo yo'd for a long while since new year ive had upsets as per usual it seems in my life and its been difficult but now lost 10lbs more recently just want to keep going now :) 

So other than the upset above what else is going on ..

Major clear up at both my viks and ours got rid of lots of rubbish tidied lots of the garden which we had allowed to become really bad and ruined lots of the lovely parts we had. 
Liams birthday is the 25th :) he will be 15 omg how did he get that old so quickly :.







Its my wedding anniversary too this week OMG 33years :/ umm say no more i think









Except this is us at 18 just about to get married wow 33 years !

I have been preparing for my art show and have another one in june now :D so lots to do there

News on Tikka is shes doing EXCELLENT  shes bouncing 


well thats it - my good news over run because of some ones bad behaviour and ruined my week and took away some thing i loved to do :(




Thursday 19 April 2012

Weekend willow removal :(

This weekend we had to take mums beautiful willow down  I bought it over 30 years ago for a birthday present she loved it - when her bungalow was built in the grounds of the house the willow wasnt taken down but now its become so large the roots are doing damage -  they  have already caused drain problems but now lifting the conservatory - Its all down done and dusted was a sad weekend - photos follow - the whole area is bare now  - many logs have been chopped and given away- neighbours kindly lent their 'green' bins for us to fill with the rubbish leaves and twigs and we also got to burn some . I got to fry chips on Saturday and full fry up  on Sunday :/ omg i hate cooking lol 


 The boys at work my brothers and a neighbour with my hubby :)

Friends or foe :/

OK I cant do people anymore :( ive really had enough of them - they are pretty much all out for their selves when it comes to you or them they dont want to listen, they only see and hear what they want FRIENDS well i think i can do without them  - most say they're your friends but long term it usually turns out they are around for as long as every thing is going their way and they get what they want then abracadabra  whooooooooooooosh some thing they dont like well GOOOOD BYEEEEEEEEEE yeah thanks mate!!!!

Like ive not had enough crap through out these last 7 years :/

Also the usual i have to say good by to the doctor that bought me into this world and looked after our family most of our lives  - i was the first baby in Thame  for them  we have lots of memories  - RIP DR Andrew Marcus 

The diet

Ho hum  - well not to bad another lb off wish it was more had i got 2lbs i would have been down in then next stone :) but i will keep working on it !
Maybe all this upset has helped - ive not really felt ive tried to much just flashes of keeping in check - im hoping if it is the stress that when things settle down i dont put it all back on - i know that can happen :/ just need to stay a little with it ...... and i do be a trying :D


Hubby had his birthday - nick and viri sent a cake ordered from mexico via English company they also delivered one for liam  - photo's to follow  Will also had seeds and stuff for his new allottment from viki and danny liam got his favourite boiled sweets :) We've not done anything yet probably go for a drink weekend - although with all the upset with friends maybe we will go further a field cant be doing with any of it - would like a nice chill time together.

 
 So what next errrrrr not much just got to dig myself out of all the crap thats going on - ive really really had enough and to tell the truth dont know how to change things :(

Wednesday 18 April 2012

VENT VENT!!! GRRRRR

OMG some people are soooooooooo annoying why the hell dont they listen :/ they make agreements break them and wonder why, you wonder why, they are not doing as per the agreement - then when you question it they make up so many excuses and you try to say - well actually thats the agreement ???WTF GROWL dont make agreements!!!!! different matter when it comes to their turn :/

Well pissed off

VENT VENT ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
upset my night now 

so what else

The diet 
ummmmmmmmmmmmm :/ still trying is all i can say - not had chance to weigh will post soon as i have found time to step on them eek :/

Off to darts so will catch up later - team knock out lots of luck required me thinks :S
  

Monday 16 April 2012

But if exercise or aquacise what the cost ?

Aquacised it tonight was good - but for the price a huge increase so dont think i can warrent doing that again £300 per year i think not :S  not happy quite enjoyed it The gym member ship includes but is £500 a year :S  - i cant jog at mo because of the knees NO impact training :( not that i think i could anyway  - so no skipping either best aerobic work out - arghhh so walking and some light exercise at home ' is all im gonna be a doing ' :S so miffed !!!

Diet is not going so well - i need to get weighed - hope no damage is done i just got to lose 10lb and under 200lb :D so really dont wanna mess it up but seems i have i had self sabbotage BUT im still trying - will go tomorrow see the damage :(  hopefully there wont be any - well i live in hope!

Both sisters gave me money towards the vet bills - tikka is back up and running almost better than before a new lease of life  - shes lost lots of weight now and finally at her correct size shes getting back to piggy ways but she is controlled on her food now so not to bad just need to get her fitter soon i hope i can go run and the dogs can come with me and stay fit too :)
 

Friday 13 April 2012

bit of self sabbotage on the diet eek!

OH DEAR - what am i doing :/ im   whoooo hoo im down under 200lb and very pleased with myself sooooooooo what do i do :( :( yep i have binged 
couldnt stop myself - i know your thinking 'course you could' but i went in to some auto mode and it was eaten before i sat down and though NOOOOOOOOOOO!!! 

Really upset with myself - what on earth am i doing ??? i worked so hard the last few weeks, through all the stress of tikka and other stuff and i get here just to sabotage myself .

Im hoping its a one off - i used to eat 'blindly' and then by the time i opened my eyes and looked at what i was doing the binge had happened but i thought i had that under control . I dont think its that old pmt thing that attacked me with a vengeance each month ive not long had one but its difficult to tell because of menopause throwing everything up in the air and you dont know whats what or when :/
So my main goal as of the next few weeks it really to keep going as i have and cancel the self sabbotage stuff .... only 5 months to the wedding eeeeeeeeeeek

Wednesday 11 April 2012

Trotting on :/

Sister bought me a little chimnea fry pan from her holiday - excellent will hopefully get to try it out if we get some good weather back - hoping the little flash in April wasnt our summer :S :S

THE DIET :/ eek - well not so bad 
I'm not eating so well - trying to get back to eating regularly (but mostly not making bad choices) today is a good day - did have another loss so 8lbs lost now just over 1/2 stone AND got back in to my previous jeans :) :)  which did suprise me thought i would have to lose more next goal  is to have them to big for me  - well im trying :) :) just need to keep it up !

 
 Off to darts 3 aside knock out - would be good to get a trophy this year for some thing 
so thats it for the moment 
Much needed night out i think def wouldnt mind a chill and a couple of drinks :)


 

Sunday 8 April 2012

yeah good signs with tikka and whats on or off for easter

Well so far so good  - Tikka started eating on saturday she has a good day we took her to farmers auction as i needed to check she was eating and wanted to monitor her - she wanted out of the van and liked trotting around but i put her back to rest regularly and to keep her warm - she got home her tail was up and she virtually skipped out the back door  :D
Shes been sick a couple of times worried as it was after her meds :S however shes still holding her own - not eating so well today but still with it slept a lot more today - vet wanted her in this weekend but im financially wiped out it would have cost £400 on top of the already £1400 paid :/ however, shes done really well and im thinking the vet is either over zealous or im a good money bag for them ummm :/ :/ 

DIET 
'cough cough '  2 easter eggs scoffed :( bad meeeee  im comfort eating missing breakfast think its been down to the worry stress and just as i thought my pain had gone its back again with a vengance  - :( it  hurts lots :( 
chocolate now gone maybe get back to it tomorrow - i hope so friends wedding is in september was hoping for some result by then and also back to docs week after next :/ need to show im trying - easier said than done sadly 
so back to begining AGAIN eeek

EASTER
no doing much but cleaning and tidying and not much of that now either now my back is paining me again legs are achey but not so much pain as previously 
Hubby has been out in garden we moved the green house and just putting it back together 
The swimming pool lost its tiles during the snow we had so its a total re-furb we also didnt like the red pavers on the top so decided to re-new as we are doing it hope to find a nice stone colour.
logs and wood has been tidied up and some of the building gear most behind the wall where green  house used to live - finally got a permit to get rid of the rubbish so will do that next weekend i hope.
Got birthdays coming up and pay for hen night - really dont know how to pay round at mo also replacing the cost of dog - its hit us badly :( no holiday for us again and my car isnt on the road either :( :(  oh well i shes the most important cant  we will catch up 


Well thats it for now me thinks HAPPY EASTER ALL :)xxxxxxx
 
 
 
 
 

Friday 6 April 2012

news on tikka

videos of yesterday then again today - some improvement still praying

She  seems to have improved slightly yesterday she was a lot more shivery and reluctant to move today she has gone out on her own to toilet and had a roll on the rug which really suprised me - shes still not eating but that could be down to the infection or meds but also after ops some dogs do stop although i did think she would have started again by now so currently feeding her via syringe . still praying for her and i heard a bit of snoring a while ago she hasnt done that since her op so all encouraging just sooooooooooo need her to eat!

Tuesday 3 April 2012

whats going on ....well ummmm

Well the news about Tikka so far so good but vet bill has wiped us out - its all  upset me greatly and its been a difficult week 


The diet  :/
Well good and bad news - bad first get it out of the way yep you guessed it diet out the window stress and worry over tikka and paying for her vet treatment :/ been eating rubbish more and more no skipping last few days BUT back to it tomorrow

Good bit is despite the above ive lost 2lb whoo hoo :D well chuffed just hoping ive not sabbotaged myself so like i say back to it tomorrow :S

Little else happening  - specially now we are skint £1400 vet bill is not funny my sister has lent me some till next week which has helped but OUCH - we still have the boiler to pay for eeek but the can be juggled my car wont be back on the road any time soon :/ i still have the corsa the tank seems ok now i will just have to manage.
Viki has had some one call her back for a job so fingers crossed she needs a good little job
Birthdays are due Will 51 on 17th money short now so not much happening for  him maybe a nice meal out then liam 25th  he will be 15th 
Pain has eased in my knees and back not gone but more manageable still resting up want to make sure they are better before i try getting back to normal just dont wanna be doing this again i know from the past if i get back to it to soon im right back where i started in no time. 


Easter is this weekend 




We have just had the hottest march since 1964 this weekend we are forcast snow - its already crept into scotland  hmmmph who would have thought  grrrr  typical or what !

Thats it for now folks - im off to bed not been sleeping so well :/ that dont help with diets and i am well tired relief tikka is ok :)

 
 

promising news :)

Well our Tikka is doing ok :) first bit of good news is no tumours in her chest phew!!! so they were able to operate (had she got tumours it was a no go and probably they would have put her down :(   ) she then had to have her bloods done which showed anemia and low glucose they didnt want to operate till they were up and stablalised but the infection in her uterus may have made her more poorly it was a choice between two evils :/ she could  have died during op due to the anemia and gluclose under anesthetic but if not operated on the infection would continue to make her ill and then to an extent she may have not been well enough to operate at all and then die  - i chose to go for it rather than wait and do nothing she has a strong heart and i thought it was the best of the risks SO she was given glucose and antibiotics and had the op yesterday - she woke shortly after and her gluclose was level she still wasnt eating and she has stayed at the vets, the wanted her to stabalise with the glucose levels and have her eating to keep them up shes been syringe fed and although could have come home tonight i didnt think i could manage the feeding i would rather her be more stable. shes apparently perkier although vet thinks shes shy of other animals being there but she possible scared she has always been at my mums never went far only other place she came was here with me ive spent my time walking her and shes got used to come to new places although some times reluctanly - shes was put on a normal dog diet and quickly lost the weight and got fitter (even jogging with me lol) which we needed for her first op to remove the lump on her mammary it was cos of this lump and the recent cough she had that the vets thought she had tumours on her chest as its quite common with a mammary lump in dogs we got her through that and she was jumping and running around was amazing so shocked now this has attacked her .
I am assuming it was something to do with her season that she picked up an infection i only noticed when she stopped eating as she's been a greedy little thing (my mums fault really and the carers :/ umm they fed her 3 bags of dog treats a day !! was suposed to have one treat from a bag per week :/ )

She needed to get through these last 2 days since op which she has and its gonna be 7-10 days before a proper recovery so its still up in the air but shes held her own shes a little fighter and 12years old 2 major ops shes done damn well
I prayed for mum to look after her and let her stay with us for a while . i think she has watched over  her girl :)

our tikka

My fluffy tuppence

My fluffy tuppence

tuppence

tuppence