Had a night out couldnt sit in any more, had a practice darts night with the girls friend dee and myself playing pairs only lost one game all night (9 games ) and beat the men each time they played whoo hoo :D well chuffed even 300 behind on last game when we were flagging at the end of the night we still beat the men ha ha ha !

Despite a good night out im miffed with myself, i indulged in 2 glasses of wine :( but to add to it the monthly attacked me today and ive been laid up with really bad cramps all day (as usual) ive only had a bit of toast couldnt face anything ive hardly moved even a cup of tea was difficult but hopefully if im a bit better tomorrow i can go for it again and just extend detox by one day ie re-do thursday :S
Just watched 2nd part of my big fat diet and few interesting items on it especially the fibbing on the packets of food ie showing omega 3 on bread to actually but for it to be any good for you, you would need to eat 142 slices a day!!
2 of the ladies went and had a couple of drinks at a party one lost 1lb other lost 0lbs, the girl (heaviest woman there) who put on 2lb last week decided not to go to party and lost 8lb the others who went to the party didnt over indulge and lost a couple each ...so interesting.
I often have non eating moments today is one of the, in the past ive found rather than losing weight ive put it on so starving i know does no good body goes in to storage and on goes the lbs :( thats why im worried about today but i just couldnt move let alone eat so will just grin and bare it!

My baby my little tuppence has been very ill today too, aww she was very very sick (not gonna say sick as a dog doh!) bless her she was really ill she cried when she was picked up i had her lay with me for a while and she was shivering (a sign of pain in dogs) she was wincing and her tail was down she was just laying about not a wimper when the cat passed normally she would bark and chase, seriously worried me. This evening shes picked up, shes barking at twink again chased after will and her chicken toy and tail is up :) phew ! I did umm and ahh about the vet but apparently they were not ope (grrr snow~) we would have had to seek out an emergency one had she not started to improve. Bloody snow!!!!!! growl


Its still snowy here :( will still cant work no money again the longer it goes on the more i will worry other years we have some money in the pot but this year it went on the extension purge im pleased to have nicks room done and things a little more finished and usable but didnt allow for this kind of weather, its worst we have had in 100 yrs apparently although i can remember winters like this in the 70's





feb 2009 (same road)

jan 2010 >





I will be soooo glad to see the back of the snow ! its beautiful but a pain in the butt!

Well im sat here bored out of my brain, we are snowed in 8 inches of it grrr its a huge amount for where i live i can only remember once having it this deep in all of my life time, its very beautiful and i will post pics if and when i can find the camera lead :S
Its still snowing apparently there is a lot more to come. ARGGGGHHHH!!! its not good news for us however pretty it looks, will is our only bread winner now and he cant work which means there is no income at all zilch nought nothing nought zero :(
we are already low on income its not going to last and things will get desperate the devil does seem to be on my back digging his claws in and they are well and truely dug in deep now!

Ive had another browse at other peoples blogs and one lady had a weight loss calculator :D after about an hour i managed to join the site and to get chart on here so i can monitor myself so thanks blogger its gonna be a great help to me :)
1 week detox doing well so far only one tiny blip but shouldnt really hurt wasnt any thing major just started off wrong day on diet chart :S so this is day 3 of detox im supposed to eat rice today, ive not done anything yet cos ive had a bad headache all morning (not good) but maybe thats cos of the diet getting rid of all the toxins i know that can happen and i dont often suffer from headaches will get off my bum in a bit lol

Neither nick nor viki are at work liams not at school (he will be happily xboxing lol) there is nothing on tv cant get on with anything much such a pain cos wills home and could have been doing stuff ... typical hes really restless hes so used to working 24/7 hardly ever stopping that hes now getting to pace the floor and driving me mad at the same time. It would be lovely but for the financial side of things and thats just getting to worry me more as more snow comes in other than a couple of things we have paid up till end of month but by then things will be looking desperate and anything we do get will be gone in a wink of an eye it will be catch up for months i guess (all assuming the snow has gone by then and will has work :S ) i will need to find something to see if i can help out i just dont know what i am able to do any more all the self confidence is gone along with my concentration, i really need to get on with my paintings but cant get going so annoying grrr ... self note 'GET OFF YOUR BUM JAYNE' for goodness sake !!! i may put that at top of my blog page as a reminder.

Well my stomache is saying food is required now so off to boil my rice .. hmmm how many more days to this detox ??? ....think thin think thin stay with it think thin :)

Seek Not My Heart

by Kit McCallum

Oh gentle winds 'neath moonlit skies, Do not you hear my heartfelt cries? Below the branches, here about, Do not you sense my fear and doubt? Side glistening rivers, sparkling streams, Do not you hear my woeful screams? Upon the meadows, touched with dew, Do not you see my hearts a'skew? Beneath the thousand twinkling stars, Do not you feel my jagged scars? Seek not my mournful heart kind breeze, For you'll not find it 'mongst these trees. It's scattered 'cross the moonlit skies, Accompanied by heartfelt sighs. It's drifting o're the gentle rain, A symbol of my silent pain. It's buried 'neath the meadow fair, Conjoined with all the sorrow there. It's lost among the stars this night, Too far to ease my quiet fright. No gentle winds, seek not my heart, For simply ... it has torn apart.

OMG GO AWAY SNOW 4 inches in the last couple of ours ... tups just went out for a pee .... awwww so funny only her head showing (pic is of last snow fall not todays) was such a stuggle for her to wade through she kinda had to dig her way bless her lol ... no work for anyone tomorrow i guess cant build houses in the snow :S and nick has a long way to travel on old country roads, viki lives out in the sticks so same for her i would think.


Before the snow came it had been a fairly mild day the little bit of ice and snow left was almost thawed away and the sun was lovely so off i went to the market and then shopping so glad i did :) we have stocked up on logs and coal but its running out fast, however, how lovely snuggled up by the fire with a nice hot chocolate and blocking reality out for the moment, tups curled up on the sofa is snoring ha ha ha and twink sat up on the back of the sofa nodded off and slipped off pmsl :D

Its been a fairly good day, ive managed to block out most of my worries for the day, have been busy and trying to stick to diet which seems to be going ok this morning i went off to boots to be weighed (dont have scales in my house) and i lost the 1lb the diet said i would (1lb per day ) so be interesting to see what tomorrow brings. I am struggling with the water, ive never been a huge drinker which has not done me any favours :( but im trying to get it down me not managed the 2 litres yet. i did the gym arghhhh did an easyish session but it was hard after not going so regular had hoped to get several in this week but not sure i will be able to get there now ... home exercise videos need to be found i guess !
New programme started tonight called my big fat diet was fairly good gave some intersting tips .. i really need to keep this in my head now and lose this weight just have to do it.

Darts tomorrow night (wellies required i think :S ) the snooker club do lovely food and i wont be having any, do so want to get through this detox and even when i start on the healthy eating plan i want to try to avoid darts food, its usually chips pizza and mixture of sandwiches dips crisps etc so i will have to be quite selective if i do fail in my attempts not to fall victim to the temptation of fatty foods lol
Im not sleeping again but to me thats proof of how well i am when ill i sleep loads im used to not sleeping after all these yars but it does wear me down and ive been wondering lately if thats when i become the easy target for all the bugs :( that and pmt :S


Xmas and New year whoo hoo
had a great time, was good to have a normal xmas and able to celebrate again i hate the photos but thats only cos im in them lol diet and botox required :S !!
Pic of all us girls :)

pic of me and tracy at her house new years eve party :D






Yes i have gone mad lol not only standing next to my skinny daughter (not the best idea for a fatty :S) but i also let some one take a photo and then omg i put it on here oh dear ive definately lost it lol

Tonight i joined SITS a site for bloggers to interact i would love to have a few more followers , ive had a browse on some others and they are so cool makes mine so boring ive yet to learn how to put calanders and stuff on here they have great links and stuff when i put a link on it just said nhs depression but others have nice buttons and pictures oh well i will work it out or get some one to show me... so im off to facebook for a while then bed xx

Hello hello hello :)
big clear up today the decorations and tree are now down i was gonna leave it to sunday but decided i needed to start clearing the outside lights will stay as its snowy and freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezing out there :S

My next task is to sort out my paintings for my exhibit in feb have 6 to do arghh omg i really need to get going on it dont want to lose my place. im quite happy with the couple ive started but only have the month to do all 6 and they are oils which also need drying time ... can see some of the old stuff on flicker link

Thing that im gonna be doing at this precise moment is have a cup of tea work out my new diet whilst i laze in front of a lovely roaring fire ... no lazing as of monday i really really need to get my head and body working at losing the weight and getting some fitness back.
I dont feel quite well enough to start job hunting,but will soon need to, i would like to get back in to office work part time but i know my concentration levels are still down near zero and obviously you really need to be thinking about what your doing in that sort of enviroment. I dont know what other options for jobs i can look for at the moment, our savings are very low now (almost extinct :S ) spent on finishing (well almost~) the long term build of the extension i have a temporary but nice workable kitchen (actually its nicer than some untemporary kitchens ive seen :/so im not complaining :)) most rooms have been given a quick lick of paint de-dusted lol and general clear up although still a way from finishing. Financially however, with losing my very good income and wills erratic earnings in the self employment building game where work is slow (if you can get it at all) im begining to get worried other than a couple of things we are paid up till feb but money is running out fast :( our investments cant be cashed in one still has 2yrs and other is 7yrs seems odd to have all that money and we are sat here with nothing :S but im pleased i put some away when i did i believe it would all have vanished by now) at least we will have some fall back even though we are looking at lean times at the moment. We will get by, we have been here before and maybe a little worse but im a worrier and i have to try and make sure worry of money doesnt start dragging me down im still fighting to get out of the dark hole i really dont want to slip back down after the climb ive had (not sure i could do it again :'( ) Sooo a job would be good, i may look for a little cleaning job although all jobs are scarce at the moment but at least it will be some income.

Well guess i had better get on, nick is back from his trip and along with will it looks like they want feeding :( arghhh
then back to sort this diet thing out... arghhh again lol quicker i do it quicker i get to sit back by the fire and get another cup of tea going :Dxx

I DO BE BACK WHOOOOOHOOO :)
Am so glad to get comp back yeahhhhhhhhhhh ... although all is not fine ... after going back a second time (which it seems they did nothing as it apparently charged for them) they told me it was possibly the charger ... well why havent the fixed it?? but ive got new charger (not that i will tell them, they can replace the other one as its only 5mths old) comp is up and running although it appears to be over heating and has cut out now several times, so they may be getting it back yet again and i will be computerless whilst they hold on to it for days doing nothing (12th dec -28th to do nothing hmmph!) but enough of that acer crap computers !

Well 2010 wow ... this is first xmas we have had trouble free no deaths accidents illness or trauma phew!
Also first xmas i have cooked in 5 yrs ..from nicks accident onward i spent most xmas's at hospitals and funerals and also not having a kitchen, others cooking for us ..going to my daughters or sisters for dinner, this year i decided i owed them a meal lol
Hate cooking as i do (and plus feeling a little rusty and lacking in confidence) i am so chuffed with myself (changing my name to jaynie oliver pmsl :P ) my turkey was lush and moist absolutely superb even if i do say so myself (but sis and everyone said it to :D ) i did the jamie oliver gravy wow i could have eaten that on its own was delicious, i will seek out recipe and put it up its well worth a go sooooooooooooo yummy
yorkshire puds rose and were fab as were my roastie potatoes (which im lucky enough to some how turn out perfect every time and even the die hard moaners praise me for them and cant stop eating them lol ).
im well pleased with my self as you may see he he he!

I was worn out by the end of the day but did a large tea buffet and we just picked later in the evening, sister and her hubby alan were tired as alan, had his dad taken to hospital and they had been there till 4am the previous day, but they stuck it out here and finally went home about 11pm (alans ' dad is now out of hospital :))

Ihad some superb pressies viki got me the electric tooth brush i asked for but also managed to get me the hair dryer also, as both had been reduced in price so i was well pleased to get both .. my nick got me 2 snudehill art decco figurines which i adore and had only ever managed to get 2 of so far so i was really please , they look lovely (did have to check sisters handbag before she went she been after some too lol )
I never got a pressie from will my present will be to have my lovely merc back on the road so new wheels from him :D they are very costly and other work needs to be done too but thats my goal for this new year :) My sister got tuppence a pressie omg ! lol hat and scarf heres a pic with the hat on lol

Awww bless her pmsl



Will and i slept all day saturday on and off , we hardly moved, will was well overdue for a rest and sunday we did very little too ,its been sooooooooo soooooooooo long overdue and the rest clearly shows as comments have already been made about how rested and chilled hes looking.
we spent monday evening at my sister in laws and saw some of hubbys family who we dont often see AND the dreaded mother in law (easier to stay other side of room and no contact where shes concerned ) all went peacefully and we had a nice evening.
We celebrated new year at my friend tracys house she invited the girls from our darts team and their partners (and a lot of other people many didnt make it but the house was full) it was a superb evening, my viki came till 1am then went off with the new boyfriend... liam came in for an hour went to his dads at 10am was good to see him (we dont get to see him very often now :( )
Despite being on the wine '2 glasses and usually im well gone' lol i didnt manage to get drunk and felt as sober when i got home at 5 45 am as i did when i went round oh well i tried my best lol i fortunately dont suffer hang overs he he (much to some of my friends dismay when they cant lift their heads off the pillow next day pmsl~) , so i was all up for getting very drunk, i live one house away from tracy so easy to crawl home and snow had thawed (had a flurry of snow back today hope it thaws again tomorrow arghhh will needs to be working monday :( :( ) the drunk thing just didnt happen for me and it seems to me a few others were not so drunk either so i accused tracys hubby phil of watering the wine down ha ha ha.
Will and i have lazed again today but here i am at 5am unable to sleep not that its unusual for me to be up at this hour any way :S. im intending to get in to some regular sleep pattern if i can this year.

Nicks away at mo cos his xmas pressie to his new girl was new year eve trip to london visiting the zoo, madame tussaudes, luxury meal, ice house place and champagne on the london eye, fireworks in trafalgar square to see in the new year then the night in a very exclusive hotel ... not heard from him yet i guess they stayed the day and did a bit more sight seeing lucky things :)

So all in all a good xmas and new year but :( on that nasty darker side of things ... viki has had a little trouble with neil ( i do so understand how hurt he is especially xmas)
hes gone off on one ranting about her being at mine with her new man how his xmas is so horrible etc in fact viki picked him up xmas morning and took him to see liam and the dog then run him back to his sisters she came over to us for xmas day and boxing day (inclusive of dog who was so well behaved and to our suprise so was tuppence )
we havent even met the new man let alone had him to quote neil 'playing happy families' so i have had a few words with neil quietly to tell him to calm down, viki has now cut him off of face book and ive tried to tell him if he continues he will damage the little bit left and she will put a stop to him seeing liam, although hes been like a father to our grandson hes not the biological father and has no rights
( i dont think viki would be so mean but she would cut down visiting if he continued to make it distressfull) i think he got the message , i told him gently not to put seeing liam in jeapordy and he appears to have calmed down at least for the moment :S .
I also pointed out that whilst ranting at viki hes the one who has plastered all over face book about his new woman (and has the photos of them together) not viki, her profile is of her and liam, neils, is of him and his new woman having a kiss and cuddle along with comments (prob some what for viki's benefit, not realising it had the opposite effect cos shes happy 'hes moved on' allowing her to do so ) i think i have got him to understand he cant rant at her when hes doing the same his self or rather she wasnt and he was :S
Any way i hope things stay calm between them i do feel for him bless him, but i guess thats life :( and clearly my viki is lots more happy... i was worried sick not so long ago she had a moment having got drunk of jumping out in front of cars to kill herself so clearly something was wrong, although they always seems ok together but viki keeps things very much to herself and i know she hasnt wanted to worry me to much knowing how ill ive been.
Well its the new year now i wished neil a happy new year and hoped he has a new year new start, i hope that for all of us too ... we now have two new people in our family and many losses, in various ways, some moved away, end of relationships and unfortunately many many deaths. I spent a moment today remembering all those we had lost but now its time to move on ive greived for many years now and though i dont think the greiving will totally go, i need to stay well and think of the positive things .

This year is new year new me, this is my year to look after myself , as of monday i will be back at the gym, new diet (please give me the strength to manage one this time i seriously need to lose this weight ) ... time and money is gonna be spent on me, ive had very little over the past few years this is my pamper year, fit, well and spoilt :D

I so hope every one has had a good christmas
AND HAPPY NEW YEAR XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
5.15 am and time for bed xxxx night all x

HUH what the hell??? lap top died on me its just come back apparently repaired but its not charging so back it goes :( GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR will has no work typical every xmas ~:( :( nicks car has also died a death engine gone so he has no car, so hes got mine :(.... so adds up to no car no laptop no money no xmas arghhhh!
New year has so got to be better than the last 4 i dont think i can do another crap year :'(
oh well back to booking in the laptop and make the most of it while i have battery life


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HAPPY XMAS AND NEW YEAR EVERYONE
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hope its gonna be a good new year :)