Least its not all bad ?? ummm

Well, The good news  :D its hot hot hot decent weather at last :) Melting weather love it but omg its HOT so so nice wish the swimming pool was up and running, the bad news  darn snow damaged the tiles so its under repair (which will probably drag on as hubby is working 24/7 as per usual)

The MG back on the road - well kind of :/ the good news it only cost £300 well that was until today when the rad pipe went for the 2nd time :( and steering issues grrrrr so its back in the garage but least its being seen to - just hoping its not to much damage to either car or purse !

Shopping today in Oxford - couldnt get the things i wanted did get some much needed new underwear, be good to go back to Milton Keynes for the things i spotted there but that depends on the car.  Feet are killing me and of course its hot so mega melt down wow came in and jumped in bath before did any thing else1

Bicester beer festival is in june so im working on paintings for that - sold 2 at brill was good to have bit of profit for the work done others can go in the festival show so maybe they will sell there

Errrrrrr nothing changed on the friend front - and not expecting it to - still sad but getting through it.

Liam will be on work experience in June with grampy ha ha we let you know how that goes 

The DIET

Well, not weighed yet but i think im doing ok def back on track with food choices my scrappy scales showing a loss so hopefully that little gain i had is gone !! and pleasssssssssssse let me have lost just a little more !
Jogged the track was well chuffed, done lots of walking and a little bit of aerobic at home , just gonna build up, its rather hot to be doing to much without falling in a heap .

Allotment is going on ok hopefully now the rain has stopped we might get some growth instead of drowing everything 

Well think thats it for now off to soak my feet they are still aching even though i had bath   :/

 

RIP Robin Gibb of the Bee Gees

Robin lived just up the road from us at the prebendal near the church RIP

my fave beegees song was sung by him
 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mc5oqjFsT5g

Art Exhibit

Well got my 4 paintings in - its all i had time to do for the exhibit this weekend - a lady complimented my paintings which was nice
I'm hoping i have some sold if not they can go in Bicester bee festival exhibit but it would be good to see some money back :D

Things still painful but i have to hold on as there are things to sort out then i can cut my ties :/ things could change but im not sure i want them around me now - look how much they cared ?? not one hoot!

so what else ..... errrrrrrrrr 

The diet grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr another lb on but i did get weighed with jeans on so maybe they could weigh more i never usually wear them for weigh in but im back on track with food, still tired though and sleepy i need to get back to jogging just cant manage things at teh moment :(

AHHHHH my MG is being done :D thank goodness be good to have it back on the road been long over due 
We are hoping to get the kitchen lights sorted soon - i would like the tiles down in the lounge but hubby is working weekends at the moment.

Tups had a lovely birthday and a nice huge chomp chew :D

Nick has been sent his card 'well funn' little mexican men singing  'its yoourrr birrrthday today' pmsl and he has had his birthday money
Viki is next will pay for her car to get mot then see how much left to give her
Then omg its me 52 how on earth did i get old - was only 2 minutes ago i was a silly girl only a minute ago my viki was a babe in arms now my grandson is a man OMG where does time go.

So thats the news for now - im still feeling down about things when your best friends hurt you its difficult to get over without the added hurt of losing many i love - what friends  :(

ok ok i keep harping but here i get to harp cos it lets out my pain it helps me and its me i need to help whatever anyone else thinks - after all they are looking after theirselves the way they have to!
Its all left me sick inside and i have to get it out so blah blah blah snivel snivel snivel :( i will get over it, its just time (hopefully)

Early night - off to exhibit tomorrow see what else is on show :)

  

Nothing seems to change - i have to question if it really will get better :/

Things as per usual not so good  - seems I'm the one that did 'nothing' but im the one blamed and lost out, my so 'called friends' are out and about winning darts gyming together having fun and me who never caused the problem in the first place the villian of the piece ??? WTF ? 
I keep trying to move on but its hard when you are the innocent party and it seems they that caused problems are the ones rewarded. 

I thought myself kind and unselfish there is little i wont do for anyone in fact i spent all my life doing for others, for what ??? to be trod on and treated like some thing nasty on their shoes.

I'M FED UP WITH PEOPLE HURTING ME . 

So with that bit of ranting out and off my chest what else....

THE DIET :(

Well i put on another lb :( really not happy with myself, i have tried to kick back in to touch as of today its not been to bad a day but it could have been better and im still in sleepy mode so struggling to do anything, upset doesnt help and thats all i seem to  have  -  hey ho fight on !  

My tuppences birthday today :) she is 4 bless her 

i love her so much, her love and friendship has no conditions  she loves me back 'whatever' :) i have no one that i can confide in no friends i can trust and family do their own thing :( so she is my companion and i love her to bits :)

0-0 ..... wahhhhhhhhhhhh

Soooooooooooo :/ plodding on with things fighting on but being a miserable cow with it :( 

I know what im like, i know what i should do, im managing the best i can - i do what i need to do for me! it seems wrong to lots of people it seems but i cant help that, they dont know what its like they give little support or help (some try to give more and i do appreciate that) but seems they just make a down day worse, but im not going to dwell on them i do what i have to do  WHAT EVER!

So, went out with niece yesterday had a good day we chatted lots and did a bit of a shop was nice change. Did very little today its peeeeeeing down i couldnt get any more paint for my art as the shop is out of stock but im off tomorrow to have my hair done and will get some in Aylesbury

THE DIET:/
ummmmmmmmmmmmm 
put on 2lbs last 2 weeks so NOT happy :(  and the 'friend' is now ahead of me :( well miffed with myself but still cant get motivated grr
im in sleepy mode at mo so its making me have bad choices in food (i just cant seem to stop myself) ive not jogged damn rain grrr im just so tired ive slept and slept and really  hoping im not going down with anything oh dear ........ try again tomorrow i guess


Tups has her birthday thursday - will get her an extra special chew
Nicks birthday next week i have sent a card to mexico - early just to make sure he get it bless and tomorrow i will put some dosh in the bank for him. 

Exhibit friday just need to wire the backs for hanging only 4 to go in this time to brill will hopefully get more organised next time

well im zzzzzz ing so off now 
 

Sunny among the rains

Beautiful sunny day today cooler this afternoon but reflects my mood today .  I feel calmer today, my niece visited me yesterday we are going shopping Monday :) i feel like im moving on although its slow and still a painful, im saddened by my friend that is so called 'neutral' because in fact shes not - shes with the other one not with me. I have things going on with her and once they are done she too im sorry to say will be down the road, after all she has my friend to keep her company!

YES im still griping - it hurts!

but i AM getting there. Today i auctioned, was a nice day the dogs had a good run and are now snoring although they need to be bathed :/
I do too!

The brother-in-laws were at the auction was interesting seeing them mooch about together, auctioning is a new experience for one of them .

Im painting, and oh yes 'thank you' tikka grrr trampled on a wet oil i had laid down for a second :( i have thankfully managed to repair phew!!

Exhibit is 18th this month and another at the beer festival is 9th June.

My viki's cat has 4 kittens and the other is pregnant too - shes allowing them one litter each and then they will be neutered.


The diet 
:/ i think ive put on a few pounds :'( bit miffed i've not been so bad thought i might stay the same at worst or maybe lose up to a lb but not to put on :( cracking back down since i stepped on my scales but they are old and unreliable so im hoping !!!! 

Will be churching tomorrow with georgina - shes done a clear out today so will be sorting some stuff to auction for her.
so thats the news 
and average fairly warm day cooling :)

Off for my bath ....  
 

 

CALM - breathe deeply

So im trying to move on - today is a better day, still sad, still upset im still struggling and still angry i let myself be fooled again by so called friends 

HOWEVER,

 I am moving on - I've got my paintings done for first exhibit, whilst down down met my sister we hadd a coffee and chin wag :) she seems to have the same luck as me with people - treated like crap, i think we are to easy going so they think they can take advantage and when we pull them up on some thing they are shocked and clearly dont like being caught out as users ! 

One thing my dad installed in us is fairness, we were taught to help the 'under dog' to care for people, to help where we can for no self gain - WELL DAD - IT DOESNT WORK we just get trampled on by all and sundry. They also have the nerve to blame us for their faults, their bad behaviour all because we say 'hang on a minute' and they dont like it! 

So yep im venting again, it helps me and thats what my blog is for.

I went today and visited Martyns grave, had a cry and told him 'i knew how he must have felt, i have been there - but unlike him i wanted to stay here, yes its lonely and painful, but i want to live i want to go on and try to improve my life for as long as i have it' I asked if he could help me, i asked my mum and dad and ive asked God, im trying to help myself but some times you just cant do it on your own and i need help, i need help now.  I dont have any friends certainly none that  i can trust let alone depend on - all i have had in that department is betrayal so - i go onward alone YES i have a family but they are grown doing their own thing and  hubby well, hes a work a holic :/  hes around but he doesnt really understand. Also hes enough on his plate, hes the only bread winner, the people we have lost has effected him to some were his familly his friends. 

So here i am working on things wishing this pain and heartache would leave me and let me get on instead of pulling me continually down. I so wish i had people round me that didnt add to the distress things are truely bad enough!

SO...... The diet 
Well today i got back on track - shock yesterday with a lb gain and i am sooooooooooooo not going there !!!! i did jog yesterday and dug and raked  the allotment couldnt move much today lol but diet is back on track after bit of a binge, self sabotage weekend. 

So optomistic need to crack down on some more exercise and keep in check with what foods im eating

My paintings are done! already for the 18th may exhibit (only 4 to display due to shortness of time ) 
I have canvas now and started a couple for the 9th june  Beer festival run out of white oils so need to sort that tomorrow. I have a few others from previous exhibits that will go there too 


Still lots to sort out - trying to keep up and replenish finances, working out a plan and feel better for doing that. Its helped with the likes of putting thing in more focus and importance instead of scattered and lost and forgotten until some thing is 'to late' or otherwise.


My tups and nicks birthdays coming up Tups will get a treat bless her,  My nick is in need of some dosh so will send him as much as i can