Back again :)

Well ... here i am after a long break
2013  ... 13 unlucky for some but lucky for me :)
2012 ended with a long outstanding problem finally resolved it gave relief and a hope of better things to come with the new year.
The one outstanding problem i was still trying to come to terms with was the 'friend' problem
the hurt and pain it caused me will be with me forever regardless of it having been 'resolved'
I put things aside and moved on with pangs of pain hitting me occasionally - i lost weight whooooo
yep and without to much effort

However, ive been unwell diagnosed with fibromyagia ummm whats that i hear everyone (including me) say ... long story for another post but it explains a lot of how and why i feel so tired all the time and unwell and because of it the 'diet' is out the window and lbs are piling back on. Every time i feel better and get a new resolve back it comes and hits me.

Its been a good year for pretty much all else ive been happier busier and things have been generally good
We got to cruise a much much over due and needed  holiday was superb im a sea sicky person but nope not once who knew we were on ship certainly not me :D

The biggest ship in the world  (at the time) 

We went with my sister and her hubby good company and enjoyed every moment of it.

We are still working on this house :( it seems it will never be completed we decided not to alter the bedrooms but liam has been staying and thought 'his' room wasnt up to scratch and we just dont seem to have wardrobe room in ours so we've gone ahead and done what we had thought of doing in the first place and just before christmas as usual we are up to our ears with dust and building work and short of money due to over spending on building materials once again  ... still it is the last it can only get finished as of now ha ha ... i can but dream

So the family

Well my nick is back with his wife in mexico and finally her visa is sorted they will be coming back in february and i finally get to meet my daughter in law 

Liam is a college/working boy he has an apprenticeship with an excellent company 

My viki and her partner has just got back from holiday as much needed and overdue as ours was 

they are all doing well and im so proud of them all 

we have had hiccups like i say im attacked once in a while with this fibromyagia  wilf had a real bad flu and lost some weight on a heavy job during our heat wave a chinese whisper of will looks like death warmed changed to hes got 2 weeks to live :/ but im glad to say hes fine and well and we put the rumours right stupid people! but hey ho! 

The friend situation has been resolved but as i said above i dont think the pain will ever leave me - im back playing darts and i can laugh with them and enjoy their company but some thing is missing namely in me :( i have a doubt that i will ever forgive and it saddens me) 

Still things have been put aside, just as i had begun to move on so im wary.

There have been a few bereavements but not so close i guess 2 hit me one being the death of the lovely lovely lewis collins loved him since i was a teenager and was so saddened nearer home a girl i went through school with also died :/ 53 i grew up with her but we were never really friends still ive known her forever and she was there in my daily life for a long long time its scary to think that all those around us are going and time is so short to be doing what we want to have acheived in our lives.

 

Tonight wilf is on his christmas do all my friends have had theirs too only me not doing it as i dont work actually of late ive done little i need to get back to it but just not been able i hate that all the strain is on wilf

I dont feel i can go to my friends and say come on out with me its some thing ive lost and not really found in them since my return :/ but im no longer putting my eggs all in to one basket im looking for new friends and that may happen easier if i was working or getting out, so thats the goal im looking at for now.

So less of the morbid stuff ... 

I have an art show coming up and im so tired i just cant seem to get it off the ground but ive been here before and i will get there.

2013 gave me some happiness less worry and better times a chance to start living again and im now able to work on it THINGS WILL GET BETTER THEY ARE BEGINING TOO :)

diet slumming :D

The diet saga continues....

well did 3 days juicing and was just getting used to it run out of fruit and veg and wasnt able to get shopping to sort it :( i tried to eat good but had party saturday night and to much drink on an emptyish stomach made me unwell the next day  ... not hangover, didnt have enough but stomach cramps and upset stomach how stupid of me !

well i lost 4lbs was chuffed but omg i felt so much better (well until my partying :/) i got my shopping wednesday night and sorted my juice but not been able to get back on it yet  the other worse thing has happened that ughhhhhhh pmt ... i needed that just now like i needed a hole in the head !

maybe that added to the part session :/

but ive had cravings for the usual stuff ended up eating a whole packet of ginger biscuits to myself ... and i dont even like them WTF ?
im munching for no reason and out of control

will have to wait till next week now see what damage ive done
i am trying  - honest
i had thought i had stopped (aka menopause) but it keeps attacking me when least expected 3 times now nothing for months then oooooops i should have known as ive been my miserable grumpy self and the cravings all the usual signs and i ignored them due to having thought i had stopped (again)

so im slumming on the baddy foods to some degree ....  the diet aka healthy eating is out the window for the most but truly im trying

I will resume next week i think now but in saying that i will give it a go at every chance i can and maybe some attempts will at least keep me at bay

Excuses :/

OK yesterday didnt work so well for the DIET -  i did start on juices but munched small bits through out the day - not real 'baddy' stuff but still wasnt much of a fast :/
 excuse 1
i didnt have the fruit and veg for  juicing as its market day today and im just off now
excuse 2
Ascot nearly killed me  ... i ache and hurt all over my body i slept and could barely move sunday night and most of yesterday

trying to think of some more im sure i had quite a few yesterday :/

still.... im trying today is good ive started off well and i dont aches 'quite' so much

so starting with my daily 2 glasses of warm water .. i struggle to drink first thing in the morning it takes a while to get down  that first nice cup of tea of the day to get me started.
my breakfast is  the orange juice .... carrots orange and beet but i have no beet ..yet :/ still im starting on what i have
next will be my green juice ... so i need to get down the market

laters folks !



UPDATE
Well ... so far so good juicing has been ok mainly as it took so long sorting it lol but done ok so far today need to do more water but difficult when everything is liquid must say the veggie juices are ok ive tried some in the past ughhh but these are ok maybe following the recipies is the answer rather than random some things need to compliment i found carrots make orange naturally sweeter or should i say less acidic
im having green tea as my herbal tea tonight .. im getting bit of a headache it did say first few days would be headaches toilet problems :/ tiredness and even a bit of light headed dizziness maybe well i was like that anyway except headache :(
i do feel i need to eat some thing and ive seen that eating salads ok (or veg) so its not to drastic a change to the body so i might go get one even though its a bit late in the day

still im fairly chuffed with my self ... just need to keep it up i so need to get some of this weight off and get well and fit
with the fibromyalgia i cant really exercise i can hardly get up some days but hopefully this will get my body back in check at least to some degree im tired and it hurts and ive had enough

link http://www.rebootwithjoe.com/recipes/   check out joe cross its interesting

2ND UPDATE 

ummm well i did it ... yesterday i juiced all day  and so far so good today - ive already noticed the bloated stomach reduce and i think ive lost a couple of lbs but not yet sure on that one i need to  weigh but will do that tomorrow . I am struggling a bit now i fancy a nice cup of tea and a slice of toast :/ ive just eaten cherries and im by no means hungry i think i want some thing other than liquid and a bit of tang to it would be nice.  I might look at having a veg dinner not supposed to have potatoes but boiled bland should be ok  ... i know the 80/20 rule works in dieting as ive done it and successfully lost weight as i did last year. 
I will be needing to look into how to keep it off .. i have been relatively good in keeping the last lot off just up and down on 4-5lb these past months but with being unwell ive got lazy ish tired all the time does not help. 
I think it was easier to 'diet' eat healthy when nick wasnt here as i didnt have any temptation even liam and his pizza's are a difficult challenge hes on holiday this week with his other nan so at least with nick at work i am free of the wafts of their foods for the daytime, nick makes soups i guess i could look at a veggie soup ... but really need to get a back up system so the weight stays off  - any way one more day of juicing although i wouldnt mind to stretch to the 5 day plan not sure i can ... we will see ¬!
 

WELL DAY 3 update
so ... i juiced all day did have a taster of chilli and a potatoe this evening but despite my lapses of minor foods ive lost 4lb :) verily chuffed gonna see if i can continue ... stay tuned 
 

Dieting :/ ...

Yes im taking drastic action ... only to get me going ...(i hope)

So its the old milkshake thing and juicing i want to detox my body firstly im doing the shakes to give me a weight loss without depriving me of sweetness i found of the juicing and shakes the shakes make me feel ive 'had' some thing so hopefully if i do the shakes first when im ready for the total detox of juicing i will be used to having no food im doing the shakes for 2 weeks and see how i progress from there - wondering about adding juicing alternate days ?? not sure how that would work, would it upset my stomach ? umm i'll see as i go maybe 'experiment' ;/

just looking at exercise programme starting slow on this one as i  have fibromyalgia and even moving is difficult lately :(
still i want to be doing some thing, found a good build up programme on you tube so here i go folks heres fatty me ... photo may not stay here as im not happy with myself having put on again i had worked so hard to lose 2stone already up 1 ughhhhhh i had yo yo'ed on 4lbs up and down then suddenly im 14 ?? wtf  ... still i have to give myself a break i have been unwell and im still trying so  off i go check in some time this week ... dreaded weigh in first and heres the ugh photo :(

ughhhhhhhh

Been a while but im still here !

Well ... despite not wanting to put anything about those ex friends of mine .. i  have to update and get it off my mind :/
they are truly arse licking each other now and gloating ... omg i thought the world of them they not only disrespected me they took everything from me, one jumped into  my shoes and treated me like i never existed a 40 year friendship and she walked off with my friends my team my life and sits gloating rubbing salt in to the wounds ...  but se la vie ... what goes around comes around i learned a HUGE HUGE life lesson  :/

moving on to better things .... well sort of 
THE DIET 
i really should have said more depressing news :/ lol
today i want to start a healthy eating plan - total good food for 2 months ..
im going to start with a detox on juicing my veg and fruits for maybe a week if i can manage 
i saw a video of the pulp from juicing made in to crackers for the fibre ... interesting might have a go 
i have health issues ... :( fibromyalgia  .... ummmm some sort of form of chronic fatigue 
my body hurts it aches and my bones hurt :( and its horrible 
i try to exercise but its difficult i also am constantly tired, from being an insomniac for 30 years i now sleep constantly (maybe im trying to catch up on 30 years lost sleep) i dont like sleeping my life away but i cant do anything about it . I force my self to do things but i have to do little bits at a time rest lots and i sleep sleep sleep :/ 
im hoping food changes might help .. its difficult to make good choices when to tired to lift your arm any further than a quick packet of crisps or a choc bar 
We are growing our own veg again and im ordering a juicer hopefully here in a few days then to start my detox untill then im trying to stay on just eating fruit and veg im looking at natural sweetners to stop my sweet tooth craving for the likes of chocolate :O

So my weight ... well im still yo yo ing of 5 ish lbs up and down so maintained my previous weight loss to some degree ... but its getting harder and creeping up. the menopause not quite passed is not helping having that 'wrong' week to often is soooooo not helpful ughh!

so see how i go and will try to get back on track ... gonna log attempts as much as possible but been busy and sleeping i find it difficult to get here hence my absence

Any how ...... ...... ..... here i go  (again)

catch up on things 
well whoooooooopie its hot hot hot in England and im loving it ! 
been in the pool despite the snow damage bodged a job and filled it and its brill :)

ive been out with will my other friends are workers and dont live local so im pretty much on my own but im out and about with them as much as i can be 
ive pretty much put the other 'a holes' away from my life its hard not to see the gloating and lording over me but it doesnt hurt like it did just annoying - i so shouldnt have let that wasp in to my nest i'll never trust her again EVER! 
beware who calls your friend :(
SO  ...ummmm what else
ahh my nick is still  here still sorting visa's he goes back in october and then hopefully his wife comes to visit about jan/feb she passed her english test 8.9 of 9 :D well course she did she has an english degree but was that enough no they had to do a test costing £800 :/ 
be glad when shes here we will go shop and stuff that will make a few certain people cough a bit as shes a lovely girl but also a  stunner and will put all of them in the shade :) :) 
....
my grandson is all grown up and left school done the prom night and everything hard to believe
my viki is very happy with her partner and i like she has settled with him hes an ok guy i hope one day she gets to have things easier and not work so hard 

pooches are as usual :D lovely pains bit warm for them at the moment but they are doing good 
tikka has a cough her bronchial tubes were damaged from her weight gain and the ops but shes ok over all 
 
our cruise is paid for passports sent away just need to save some spending money :/ 

on the whole life is good ... will needs a rest hopefully we can do that now things are a bit more settled - still a lot to do in the  house after the cruise we are looking at getting some of the last more expensive bits like ovens ;/ and lighting and for next year sit back and enjoy our home some holidays and our family 

hoping anyone who comes by and reads has all the good life gives us and can put aside the bad and move on from it ... the sleep now attacks me  zzzzzzzzigning off :)
 
 

JUST LOVING 2013

I CAN ONLY SMILE

Its been a long time since ive felt i could do that (smile) on my own, most has come with the help of some lovely people who put up with my miserable face and stood by me (and most still are)

Im currently looking forward to the cruise with my sister and her hubby and of course my hubby :D
almost paid :/ been bit of a struggle as i no longer work but this holiday is much needed by me and the wilf (aka hubby will) i would love to be thinner but im so tired at the moment im lazy eating and cant move much but ive not given up trying - not just yet!

Developments on the 'so called friends' i swore i would no longer blog about but ironically events turned up - i mentioned in my last post about my late night errrr correction early morning (6am home time as it happens eeek!)  friday drinking session with V and sorted a few things out. Well last week i stayed home im feeling so much more settled about things - WELL decided to go out this week and V was just going with her mum D and dad J when wilf and i walked in, she turns around and said just gonna have a drink with jayne WHOOA
D who has been indifferent to me since this happened spoke and apologised (not sure as to why) about going, after things said the other week i have no doubt V told her what i said about her ignoring me so anyway she spoke and i acknowledged and off they went and V sat with me and we chatted she made it clear she remembered most of what we discussed and i had the feeling she wanted to say more but other interrupted, we did have a chat and laugh about other things. OH AND we got invited to D and J's anniversary 40 years wow ! i never committed i will wait and see.

so things not back as they were and still doubt they will be - i prefer T off the scene  and not sure her involvement in the fact things didnt move on sooner :/ but i care little now

So onwards ... other than health and diet requiring a little attention especially the diet (although thinking about it the health thing may be whats blocking my progress :/ ) i must get on cruise is sooooooon

Had a lovely bbq with the family for nicks birthday and yes we have SUN  :) :)

Due to tiredness and having looked at others blogs tonight to catch up on them this is all im blogging for now the eyes are going and i will catch up another time 

but all is goooooooooooood

Its been a while but im still here :)

So ........ whats life been about well

THANK YOU 2013

Well, what can i say its been good so far (dont want to temp fate ;/ )
Lifes a lot easier, its lots better


My boy got married to a lovely girl :) see photos previous post
My viki's issue from 2 years ago got resolved just before xmas 2012 so was a nice relief to start the new year with out that worry

Sold 3 of my paintings - 815 paintings on display and i sold 3 of my 5 - WELL CHUFFED !
And did this one recently my friend lost her beloved cat Agatha this was for her

Finances  - ok for the climate and the fact im not working
House - getting there kitchen is lots better than it was almost like a real kitchen will post photos when its done :)
Got a new car - still have mg but its ready to go no more wasted money on it im sorry to say as it was a lovely car but more spent on it than its worth and still unreliable and costing :/

 This is my new girl - i still  have my lovely classic merc but requiring lots of tlc time and attention and of course the dreaded money :/
Its lots easier having a 4 seater the dogs have their own seats lol :D
I wanted to keep a convertible - very pleased - very chuffed

Just had wedding anniversary 34 years  wooooha :S
And to add to age scare, liam our grandson turned 16 and left school -  will be doing college till 17 then a grown up working man arghh how did that happen so quickly 
This week we celebrated our nicks 30th again arghh time has just flown im sure he cant be that old lol

THE DIET
ok its not been good but ive pretty much maintained  - been a bit of a yo yo on 3-4lbs up and down and lost my toning - need to kick my self in to touch we have a cruise in september :O

My health is bit of an issue, since christmas ive not been feeling so good - nothing to really shout about but out of sorts and its not passed im tired all the time erratic sleeping (and eating obviously why diet isnt happening ) im hoping to start back on a fitness thing soon just not been able to get my head back to it yet but hopefully that will change

I dont want to mention the 'so called friends' dont want them on my blog any more - ive pretty much moved on but i do want to mention that a few fridays ago i got the opportunity to put some things aside with V among it she told me (twice) that she missed our friendship, well we always were very close good friends i guess thats why its been so painful :( still it has helped me in that she obviously felt some thing in losing me as a friend but i also learned that in trying to put things right she knew she only made them worse (which i know she did thats why i walked away) and she admitted that she just didnt know how to put things right again. I felt like saying WELL .... but decide to let it rest at that as she was clearly trying to tell me she wanted thing to be better between us but it just wasnt happening. For me it stopped a little bit of heart ache and yes ive pretty much moved on and knowing she cared enough to miss our friendship too has helped me move on just that little bit more. Nothing else has changed and i doubt it will now but thats pretty much the end of the matter - who knows what time may bring - will it bring back that friendship possibly but not with the same trust im sad to say :(

Ive shopped and been out and enjoyed myself a lot more than i have done in 7 years im lots happier generally although things are not perfect (health is one) its all still a day at a time but its better.
Sadly still had bereavements - not so close although some i  knew very well as a child but not close to, still sad and i attended some of the funerals.

I recently got back to sewing and made the cushions for our bargain auction buy of an old conservatory set for a tenner  - hoping the covering goes well round the pool area (its not my usual taste) 

 
 Well the animals like it and making their selves comfy lol

Im feeling a bit lonely lately, having to do much on my own as my friends have moved and one off to aussie and of course the others are no longer my friends and the long term one i see when its convenient to her having stepped in to my shoes im not sure if its not her thats prevented things from moving on :/ 
 still arghh im not going to keep on about that grrr still keeps popping up -  but im trying honest !

The future?
Well its looking good - i  have a cruise with my sister and her husband to look forward to i wish my other sister could have come too but theres been some issues - her hubby had a heart by pass among other stuff but its time for me and wilf to have some rest and enjoyment he works so hard 7 days a week and coming home doing more - i truly dont know how he does it  bless him 

Im gonna go out and about, even if its  on my own, enjoy myself and visit places ive never been and hopefully wilf can join me some times. Im looking for a part time job but nothing about and i am a bit wary with my health not 100%  
But we will see :) 
 

 So thats pretty much it i guess 
THINGS ARE GETTING BETTER :)