Officially old and fat :/

Guess i have to decide now what i want most ... face lift and lipo .. well thats not gonna happen botox possibility... diet ummm well im back at the gym seriously struggling i do have to get back to it big time i did hardly anything today :/ and came home feeling quite ill (hayfever not helping matters)
So ... im 50 and fat and dont wanna be either, 50 i cant do anything about, fat thats cos im sticking lots of rubbish foods in to my mouth and thats my choice my fault i need to STOP now!
Im still in grey area of illness so its not easy, my head isnt functioning rationally and here i am trying to do something that is soooooooo hard for sooooo many people DIET :(
I have done one thing i kinda regret, ummm i only went and got a job ?? wtf?? and a full time one omg what did i do that for??, i can only see how things go. :(
Im thinking only positive thing about it is that maybe i will get in some routine where as at the moment i have none :/ so maybe its a start to my new me new life new diet maybe it will take me out of the grey darkness and in to the sunlight again!YUK how awful is that ^ :(

So hubby is out tonight its now 12 20am im guessing hes doing the she can come in at 4am thing i will to, well if he is he wont be doing it on his 50th cos as far as im concerned hes done it tonight and i may consider doing it every week just because i know my going out annoys him more than his going out annoys me ... i dont care less but he does! however, im not having his silly petty she did it last week stuff, i think he will suffer more than i !

This week i became an auntie to teddy (yes thats what theyve named him bless) and a great auntie to grace ive now lost count how many there is i will have to go through and update but its way in the 30's for auntie and great auntie :S

Im not waiting up for hubby so off to bed now ... will sort him out later lol