brain spinning

UGGGGGGGGGGG so hate things playing over and over in your head -

  i want to move on - i decided to move on 
Clearly its bothering me - loss of a friend (or two as in my case) is always going to be a brain stinger

However, im not to blame i know that - they are the ones with the problem(s) YES im miffed - more than miffed quite angry but i had thought it had subsided but seems its still here in my brain hopping about just when i least expect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sadness and almost betrayal i guess sits within me - im ok with moving on although a bit suprised that, that hasnt been more of a problem, maybe i didnt need them in my life anyway, i think its the anger of being blamed for something im innocent of !   
I lost my night out - the game of darts i loved to play too so it wasnt only their freindship taken from me it was other things that were part of my life and which i love to do .

so here i am doing my usual vent hoping that it will empty my brain of the ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

Im just trying to sort my paintings out - i think the stress is coming out in them. Im really not happy with 2 of them and only have 18 days left omg  :/ 

Ive been unwell the last couple of days - sickness and cramps :( maybe i just need a day of recovery 

 starting with a cup of tea :) then a nice bath, back later let you know if it worked!

sicky ugh :S but some benefits

THE DIET
Woop another lb down - possibly due to having sicky bug :S however some benefit from being ill :) pleased ive not gone up stayed the same a couple of times but no gain and this week:)  the lb loss gives me a least a spur on, with all my usual crap going on im suprised ive still managed to keep it off and not indulge only to be back at square one - so well pleased ive managed passed things that would normally have set me back. PLODDING ON  lb a week will do me :) would be excellent to lose more but as long as its coming off i dont care how much it is ! Think sickness has helped get me passed my 2lb yo yo area so just need to keep if off now!

So nasty week of sickness severe cramps yesterday ugh i hate being sick and the cramps were rough :( today i have twinges nothing like yesterday but still feeling bit ughhhhhhhhh tried some soup but didnt manage even half the bowl trying to stay hydrated. Least the worse is over ( i hope)

Everything else ??

Well not much as its been peeeeeeeeeeeeing down here in England, so cant get on with much - art work half done - need to get on

things not changed with my 'so called' friend - i guess the truth hurts but dont blame me for it !!!

My vik seems to be getting on well with her job :)

liam and will are a year older guess mine nicks and viks is to come :/

Did my 33 year stint as of last week eeek ! lol could have put him under the patio several times and still been out free - errrr yeah just kidding ;D

 Nick it seems still doing ok in mexico

Went to rememberance service at the church was good gave us time to remember those we loved and lost

so thats the news so far - not much happening

Life continues to change for me whether through the saddness of loved ones passed away orjust losing people i thought were friends, i cant allow my values to be put aside just because of a friend who doenst like the truth who made an issue of something petty :/

 

Married 33 years today - wow how did that happen lol !

Married 33 years omg omg !!! well i dont know where the years have gone 

GRANDSONS 15 today :)

TODAY OUR LOVELY LIAM IS 15 already looking all grown up - omg where has time gone

With heavy heart :( but let down and disappointed (again) i move on

Should i be used to this? i guess so, nothing really changes - people are out for theirselves. I guess my up bringing was different to pretty much everyone else that seems to be around me.  I was taught to work things out to move on to apologise and realise when wrong, but to stand my ground so long as i believed i was right but in doing so find a compromise. 

Its sad when you trust some one and they let you down more so over some pettiness they have thrown out of proportion. When they jump in without thinking or taking note of what others say then thats just unfair but there is no where to go when they dont want to listen or see 


So its forced me to say goodbye to not only the night out and the game of darts i love to play but also to what i thought was a friend or rather friends.
I cant allow them to drag me down - i've fought long and hard and still fighting to be at peace and have a peaceful life, i just cant let anyone take me down a road that could take me back to all that pain and heartache, even if it means the loss of 'friends' ? well their behaviour has made me think twice at calling them that. Im clearly not a factor to them, that some thing so petty could make them treat me as they have so, moving on from them is sad but ive lost people who i loved and loved me too and  permanantly so im accepting that they are no longer going to be a part of my life, maybe things would change in the future (although i know things would never be the same) but for now its time to move on and away from the drama. :/

Sad days and sadder ones :S

Some things its seems just are never going to improve - perhaps is me, why is it people think they can treat me like crap? that there is one rule for them and another for me ?? and then when you say about it they  have the nerve to blame you for what they are doing wrong GRRRRRRRRR

Maybe if i just seperate myself from people ??? my friends can treat me like shite i guess im not safe with anyone :( I wont be playing darts any more just because one person cant go without a drink for a couple of hours even though they practically live in the pub anyway! Saddens me but i have to look after myself now and they are just  bringing me down and trampling all over me. Im not willing to put up with it so im the baddy and ive had to leave (my choice)
Im moving on - i have to do this for myself, i have learnt from my past and though it means leaving what were once my friends behind, i now think of me and after all they havent thought of me have they ?

So moving on .............

Diet..... ummm seems to be going ok did aquacise tonight - not sure i can keep it up due to the price my foods not doing quite so good but i have definately cut down just not making good choices. 
I am chuffed to be under 200lbs i did get to my heaviest a while back got back down and went back up i managed to come down some and yo yo'd for a long while since new year ive had upsets as per usual it seems in my life and its been difficult but now lost 10lbs more recently just want to keep going now :) 

So other than the upset above what else is going on ..

Major clear up at both my viks and ours got rid of lots of rubbish tidied lots of the garden which we had allowed to become really bad and ruined lots of the lovely parts we had. 
Liams birthday is the 25th :) he will be 15 omg how did he get that old so quickly :.

Its my wedding anniversary too this week OMG 33years :/ umm say no more i think

Except this is us at 18 just about to get married wow 33 years !

I have been preparing for my art show and have another one in june now :D so lots to do there

News on Tikka is shes doing EXCELLENT  shes bouncing 


well thats it - my good news over run because of some ones bad behaviour and ruined my week and took away some thing i loved to do :(

Weekend willow removal :(

This weekend we had to take mums beautiful willow down  I bought it over 30 years ago for a birthday present she loved it - when her bungalow was built in the grounds of the house the willow wasnt taken down but now its become so large the roots are doing damage -  they  have already caused drain problems but now lifting the conservatory - Its all down done and dusted was a sad weekend - photos follow - the whole area is bare now  - many logs have been chopped and given away- neighbours kindly lent their 'green' bins for us to fill with the rubbish leaves and twigs and we also got to burn some . I got to fry chips on Saturday and full fry up  on Sunday :/ omg i hate cooking lol 

 The boys at work my brothers and a neighbour with my hubby :)