Better days are a coming :)

Yes they are yes they are :)

Had a lovely day yesterday with my old bestie school buddy Sharon we had lunch, we chatted and reminisced and later i sat and wondered why ive let lesser people hurt me as they have - in the great scheme of things i no longer feel they matter. The sense of betrayal by those i cared for i guess will always be there but they no longer have anything i want, i dont want people that will treat me like that. 
My friendship with Sharon has lasted 50 years - we drifted off in our different directions, (life does that to everyone) her parents moved when she was 17 and although we never lost contact we saw little of each other  but for very few odd occasions, but yesterday was like we saw each other every day thats true friendship  :) We travelled through our school years together our youth our play times our social times everything we did we did together without any problem. There was one wasp in the nest and oddly its the same wasp that i allowed in with the (so called) friends ive now lost. Its given me reason to ponder on ever allowing her near my friends ever again she has a sneaky way of taking from you :/

When you look at friends that have always stayed friends no matter what and are there 50 years later , you look at those that treated you badly and realise you were just a  stand in  for them till they wanted some one else.just used .  True friends dont treat you as certain ones of  mine did. I pride myself on being a good friend, i dont know if they feel the loss of my friendship, but i do know it must have meant little to them.  Loyalty seems some thing that is lacking in many these days.

Today the sun is shining i feel like my 7  years of horror have finally gone and things are moving on at last at the end of 2012 there was an issue finally done with and it was a huge relief and it almost seems that 2012 ended with a slide in to 2013 with better things. Yes sadly i did have another funeral but not such a close one as most others were even almost got out of january but definitely things are better i pray they will stay that way, good things are long overdue.

I've been verily tired since xmas, i need to get back in to routine and better eating but because ive been so tired ive not yet really got up and moved as i would like and its showing on the Diet  :(
sadly nothing much happening just yo  yo ing :/
i need to get sorted now after all i have a cruise coming up !

So  overall this year is feeling good lots of good news lots of improvement, ok not perfect but can finally see the trees in the woods there is a light and a clearing :)
Best of all, the pain in my heart is easing for all the hurt others put there, some special people have pushed it away and filling  it with joy instead. Just a few lovely people have restored my faith and i am finally moving on :)

Cant remember being this young - me with sharon :)
 

 

 

Art show weekend

Well what a poor turn out this year only about 10 paintings sold the whole weekend myself and several other painters who usually sell most their work sold nothing :/ :/

Such a shame they work so hard - people are just not spending the money sadly

First year for me to sell nothing :( the least ive ever sold is 5 out of 6 but several more shows to do this year couple of craft fairs so not all lost and new work to be getting on with :)


I got asked (prob by default) round V's prob cos i was out with T and she wouldnt go without me i dont know if i was part of the offer or an only if  it was a pleasant enough evening almost like old times but some how not quite and guess there will always be some thing missing - maybe its me , i wont ever trust again although i do believe shes still treading very carefully with me - how little she ever knew me :/

Bit of karma on the darts T burnt her hand, i dont wish ill on anyone but it does feel like karma to me !

earlier in the evening i gave D part of the treatment she gives me im in mode of , im treating how ive been treated !

My nephews birthday just eating some of his cake .....
umm leads to the  DIET
and nope doing nothing and getting no where fast :/
however, still trying not given up just starting to feel the tiredness pass maybe then i will get back in mode.

My old school buddy sharon is coming over this week :) :) :)
that will put a fly up T's nose they never really got on  but for me its some thing needed - a good friend by my side wish it could be more often but we will make the most of it :)

so thats it for now got things to do ........beeeeeee back soooooooooon :)
 
 

Things getting better - at last

Well................. despite everything i'm feeling better, things are better
Firstly 

3 members of the family ENGAGED valentines week - my niece beccy with james my brother andrew with ali and my NICK with viri :) :)
CONGRATULATIONS TO ALL

Soooo pleased for all of them in addition my nick will be GETTING MARRIED 2nd March in Mexico :) sadly we cant be there as its such short notice but a religious ceremony will be taking place next year - they have bought the wedding forward to deal with other issues but considering the original date for next year to be their 'proper' day. 
I am sad about not being there although its a very quiet on the beach affair still, would have loved to have been there.

The so called friends thing :/  BASICALLY who the f**k cares :) 
When people you cared about can treat you like that its painful, i did nothing to deserve how ive been treated so there has also been the injustice of it all, i guess i will never know why some one i was closest to would be like that - maybe she thought she could get away with it but it blew out of preportion keeping her mouth shut would have been beneficial but any how.....  :/  As for the others didnt even have the decency to ask my side. And the so called bestie friend huh, i still speak and interact with her occasionally i wouldnt give her the satisfaction of thinking there was a problem especially as there isnt other than her selfish behaviour, and lack of loyalty for a second time. I wont forget ! 
I am pretty much moved on i thank a freind B for giving me back a bit of self worth in front of them, maybe they might have looked on and saw they have lost too ?? i hope so.
Theres no going back no more darts for me :( loved the game,  had they really put things aside i would be back, but they didnt offer,  had they truely put things aside things would have been put back as they were,  but nothing and some even are almost indifferent to me  nothing has changed except acknowledgement of each other.  Im now treating as im treated. V has made an effort especially since my girl B put her nose out of joint a bit i think :D but thats as far as i want it to go i dont want or need the friendship now, the chances have passed. I want to be with others doing other things i want to move on from T too i dont truely like her any more.

They say God doesnt pay his debts in money - well a little karma one has injured the darts hand ? umm  .... others have had other problems and although i dont wish ill on anyone, they never cared about me or how they hurt me - so karma - thank you i hope they learn a lesson what goes around comes around !

NOW the diet :/ :/
So got to get my bum in gear - not doing so well cant get moving - not felt so good since christmas been very tired, sick several times and the menopausal rubbish kicked in big time - im gradually moving again but not out of this tired zone and i have a holiday coming up and obviously weddings  I miss the biggest loser it was an inspiration to me i got and exercised with them ughh uk tv is rubbish - i dont want to be paying out on sky as there is only me and i want my money going else where :/  Still trying though thats the main thing - isnt it???

So thats it folks .. for now  pleased with the good news pleased with many things so far this year - feeling im moving on and things are getting better and well, thats what its all about :) 
posting some photos :D of the happy couples 

nick and viri

beccy & james

Ali and andrew

  

plodding on ....

So things on a slow mostly boring level .. ive been very very sleepy expecting to come down with some illness (its the only time i get sleepy) but nope ! nothing , even though ive been totally achy and exhausted :/

I have dragged wilf out a few fridays and OMG T has dragged me out in between being all friendly and attentive although it is possibly because she has no one else ..  shes bit like that!

D&J have pretty much ignored me - why they wanted to 'put things aside' ?? who knows just to snub me all over again so i just now let them get on with it

V has made and effort to speak, she did invite me to a girlies night out for darts - (she owes me darts money)
i declined as im not part of the darts team they can have their darts and nights out im not part of it and dont feel i should or want to be included.
I don't think its gone down to well shes not been so forth coming since although has still spoken.

This thursday i went to yet another funeral - i say yet but its the first this year and hopefully the last :/
D pretty much didnt know where to look to avoid us all night - think its time to tell her to go do one - she neednt worry i dont want her as a friend or even talking to me i did NOTHING to her she just listened to V's rubbish.
However, Karma kicks in nicely some times. We went out Friday and were surrounded by people that like us care for us and enjoy our company (and we theirs :) )  V was there and one lovely lady who ive got to know was being really friendly and lovely to me whilst V stood alone for most the evening - i did speak to V and did try a couple of times but she had put her head in her phone clearly as she had no one - well thats her fault not mine!! Wilf and i sat chatting to some guy we know and laughed lots came home feeling really happy - the awful night before because of D's ignorance and rudeness over rode by decent people :) :)

Other news - The diet :/
not so good im getting no where fast :( cant get in mode but its probably this tired thing i have i need to go to docs ... still im still trying!!!

Art exhibit end of the month need to get and sort things like that
My besty school friend who i dont get to see is now on FB whoooooo hoooooo we still exchange cards but rarely get to see each other so thank you FB  :) :)

The lounge tiles  - still not complete but almost   - the house is a pig sty, building site, shed rubbish tip, crap hole! with just a few bits in between that look nice for photos :/ so the work goes on i want this done this year enoughs enough!
AND we have a cruise to pay for and go on :) and a car to buy so need to crack down on things.


update when i can get back peeps ~:) have a good week !

Happy 2013 to one and all :)

Well a very good christmas 
Crappy 2012 ended on a good note - with an on going problems for the last 2 years finally sorted out thank goodness :) :)

Lots of changes throughout 2012 lost some friends that i thought a lot of they clearly didnt feel the same about me, i dont think i will forgive them ( although i am now speaking to them) we are not likely to go back to  how things were, ive not been asked back to darts :'( - ive been replaced :/ but well if thats what they want there is little i can do about it  - im moving on ...
Just saddened that, thats how it is :/ oh well !!! 
Had they really wanted to put things aside they would have said come back to darts lets put things back as they were and forget about it. But i think i was asked to put it aside so as to ease their consciences.

My viki cooked christmas day with the help of her partner danny was  a lovely meal and a lovely day all enjoyed and you all know how much i hate cooking so whoo  hooo :D
I had some lovely gifts .... nick got me the solar owlies that i was after and didnt think i would get (to many other things to pay out on :/) and some zinfendal Viri sent me a plant and chocolates  Viki/danny  got me the perfume i asked for and a couple of serial killer books :D - liam got me the calendar i asked for :D and his girl rachael got me some lovely babycham glasses with chocolates - i need some more now :D Tracy got me some sanctuary body washes etc which she got me once before and i am now addicted to - its well nice! omg the mother in law gave wilf 200 quid omg omg ummm sh so must be ill :/ :/ and she gave me 20 gift voucher not sure why after all these years!
my sister georgina got me a fluffy blanket :D she knows me well ha ha 
 Wilf and i dont buy although he got me some stuff ive yet to tell him about LMAO!

I got a beautiful mantel garland made with lights and silver berries to go on my new look fire place

the girls with their chritstmas chews :D

eeeek me in dannys hat :D

liam in dannys hat :D

wilfy will in dannys  hat :D

nick in dannys hat :D

all british dinner by our vik

oh wow DANNY in dannys hat lmao :D

viki in dannys hat :D

                         Excellent day and time had by all :)


The old menopause thing kicked in from boxing day and i struggled the week with cramps but New year was ok and we partied at Tracy's it was a good evening and we enjoyed till about 4am when we rolled home thankfully just one house away he he he !

tracy and her son craig

wilf with alan

The menopausal pmt hit back again and ive had a very tired week, ive struggled to do anything as i sleep when ill :/ but ive got as much done as i can - trying to get back to normal

We started the lounge floor in october but wilf wasnt about to finish he worked really hard and we got the main area done in time to put the tree up still stuff to be done but its a whole new look to the lounge 

tuppence 'helping' out :/

 Black floor bit new and extreme from white to black whoo but i like - although a major cleaning task i think  - wilf did offer to get me a steam cleaner for my christmas present :/ :/ i suggested that i get him one and he could get me perfume and jewellery :D

So the new year is here im wanting it to be better than the last 7 - im looking at it as my 7 years of famine so now i should get 7 years of plenty !!!! 
2012 wasnt quite as bad as the previous 6 although we had bereavements and i was let down big time by my closest friends :( and by one of them for a 2nd time - sorry no more chances this is the last one.
As for the friend thing - we speak , i mentioned above nothing will be the same i stayed friends with T i wasnt being blamed for being 'jealous' or causing the problems i will never trust her again she has no loyalty and looks after herself.  I had done nothing, so i rode with things and shes now licking she got what she wanted from V   it was all just  to keep herself in the dart team -  now its my turn to be licked as i think shes realised she almost lost me as a friend,  little does she know anything between us is on my terms not hers and actually i look after myself now too!
But i can play the game also - i can be two faced (in reltailiation i might add i dont like to be like this and cant quite stoop to their levels ) i do what i want these days and they get included in my time if and when i choose.  How things change T never bothered with me for over 4 months but now things cooled off she's wanting to come out and go shopping all sorts well so far ive complied as its suited me but i have things coming up so she will be on the back cooler and i will be around when i want to be. As for V shes seeking solace else where, my nick said her status on fb were well depressing i guess the consequences of  her behaviour affected her badly too maybe when the drink wore off she realised what she had lost?? who knows.
D and J have been a bit aloof and ive told wilf to treat them the same just say hi and walk on j made a point of saying hi to wilf but practically ignored me well who cares - they are just acquaintences now.

So i will be looking for new friends and new experiences - im looking for new things in my life
The depression is passing - its a daily fight but im on the better side of it now and feel so much better the weight losshas certainly helped ...

oh yes the DIET  :/ umm well im up and down ive totally relaxed of late and im doing a 6lb bouncing thing but on the whole maintaining - im now trying to get back to it and i want to lose at least another stone but preferably 2 and i will be happy - then there is the cruise coming up !

So thats about it folks a quick update im off to bed now i have the sister and family  round tomorrow night for chinese :) 
i now need to zzzzzzzz 

been away for a bit but i am back

Well here i am - im lighter and feeling better still many issues but life isnt to bad 

Omg still losing people 

My (ex) friends nan doreen passed away and yesterday i went to Chris H's he was only 43 i was 8 when he was born on xmas day brother to my best friend Sue and my mum made him her favourite 
He was born with problems my mum just molly coddled him and he lived in her pocket i guess she would be one of the first to greet him in heaven his brother graham is already there dying at 43 also a few years earlier and their dad ron last year sues hubby alan joined them too at age 54 so you see its not only me been through the mill with bereavements :/

RIP Chris 

THE DIET HMM

Well i cant remember (and ive not read back) what i was last time i posted but ive lost 24lbs yo  yoing at the moment but generally maintaining i do need to lose the same again but OMG how much better do i feel and im in a uk 14 2 dress sizes smaller whooooooo hooo

ive had bit of a make over 

I cant even tell you how many compliments ive had about the hair :D 

this was my outfit to the wedding more pics to follow 

The diet is only what i was already eating however i now choose to eat more of the lower fat/cal ones and less of the higher - i still have my cheese on toast but lots less of it ive not changed the foods i eat just which i eat more of and which i eat less of i now choose to keep cheese bread etc to a minimum and its worked - ive been lax since the wedding and need to get back on track i sooooooo do not want to be putting any back on and like i say im yo yo ing a bit :/ 

I will start monday (few false starts already) but with bereavements again its been difficult.

The friendship thing has taken a turn

I had pretty much moved on other than Friend T because of the wedding and stuff 

All was much the same at the wedding (photos later) i almost relented when i saw friend V sat there looking miserable but later was glad i didnt relent as ive said many times i did nothing to deserve being treated as i have been it wasnt my place to make the first move its always me ending up sorting things but no i cant keep doing it :/

Anyway the wedding was good - ive stayed friends with t but im not happy with her behaviour although its improved of late but that may be because the 'ISSUE' has now to some degree been resolved. more on that in a mo wedding pics.....

So - since the wedding ive relaxed more and got on with my own things

I went to see sally morgan - she was good i did think all the people ive lost there might have been someone -

Well as i said above doreen passed away 

I never went - oddly friend t did even though shed didnt know her apparently she was being there for 'my' friend errr ex friend 

I sent flowers and got a text from t saying v and d had said to thank me for them.

Well hubby and i went out that night had a good evening about town met friends in the various pubs but ended at the snooker

As i sat at the bar T came  asked me if i had seen my messages but i had left my phone on charge at home  she gave me  her phone which had a message on from v and d saying time to put things aside (used her phone for my number)  - t asked would i but as is sat there d came up hugged me thanked me for the flowers and asked if things could be put to rest between us (not that i had ever rowed with her or done anything she decided to believe v and never even asked my side :/ however) i hugged her back and said course i was willing to for me more than them life is to short and nothing like some one passing to remind you of it.

V had gone off to see her granddad home but when she came back she came and stood by me and started crying so i hugged her she called me a bitch i said she was one too but only in training she did start to throw things up and i cut her short and said end of or forget it i really wasnt going down that road - i knew i couldnt resolve things before for this exact reason.

But she did shut up and i have spoken to them all since - we dont get included in the invites and ive not been asked back to darts new season i doubt i will be asked but i guess that will show just where i stand with them. 

my thoughts of friend t are still feeling hurt and that shes untrust worthy - i am aware shes jealous she likes to gloat that she is now in my shoes and i wont forgive her for that not ever she should have stood by me especially as it was her complaining about the driving :/ :/ oh yes!! they dont know that!! shes looked after her self and forgotten  her loyalty to a 40 year friend but for the 2nd time.

So its still a watch this space

As for me im plodding on - not to well at mo and my lounge is a tip as we are finally getting those tiles down that have been there for 6 months lol photos of old and new look fire place i prefered all white but we needed a tile or some thing to help with the heat and cracking the white just looked horrible and a bit grubby def the black looks better. pics to follow

thats it for now folks a fairly quick catch up im very tired was a long long day yesterday and its been a busy week , actually its been a busy few months , menopause has hit me at mo but im hoping next week i can get back to looking after me :)

aww my lovely white carpet last look its now gone :(

not yet grouted or painted but the look almost there

now grouted just needs the white painted

chris's flowers taking to mums grave looks good on my fire place though

the before photo all white

Black floor to come will post next time i hope if its finished (ever) ;/