I am sad but even tonight and this weekend the guys are away and she would normally ask me to go out with her or to go round but nothing - yet (as she lives near) i heard earlier the sound of laughter so shes not on her own - either a girly night or out for one and i guess im not included
The thing that hurts the most is that ive done nothing - one has a bad day takes it out on me so i walked away and the other my 'best' friend of 40 years pandies to her - basically (excuse the french ) but fuck me - what do i matter . Shes always looked out for the best for her shes done it many times once leading to a major row the only real one we had in 40 years but she treated me badly and then thought it was ok basically the same as the other one has now - Is it me, i have questioned this but NO its not, im really easy going i never caused either row and i never treated them as they have treated me, maybe they thought they could because im easy going??
It had deeply hurt me im still whining about it, i know, i know :( but its painful and upsetting and im continuously getting my nose rubbed in it , im struggling to get well im almost there things are getting better health wise but dealing with this sort of thing just doesnt help
HOW COULD THEY how could they be so nasty and cruel i would never be like this with them and i think thats what hurts the most.
Well i guess thats my venting for this evening, im feeling bit lost and lonely and friendless and SAD
so with a tear in my heart i will say night and look at sleeping for and gaining strength for the next fight to carry on
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