Lazy day !

Such a lazy day :S

Ive slept most of it, so hope those girls have not given me that nasty tummy bug _ no signs yet thankfully .....

So not much of anything going on today, hubby finished pipe work and put the screed floor down so most of the worst is done Hes now in a really ratty mood - over tired cos he just wont stop ! Well the electrician is required before the ceiling is plastered but there is no hurry as long as i can put the washing machine on the rest can wait for decoration.

My spring clean is at a halt, ive worn myself out, but i have done lounge, hall stairs landing, bathroom and began a bedroom oh and i did have a whip round the conservatory thankfully not so bad as the rest of the house and needed little doing, in addition ive kept up with the mass of washing cos ive washed EVERY THING! lol and wiped round the kitchen daily to keep on top of it as hubby wrecks all that i do :/ so when i tackle that it hopefully wont be to much of a killer clean!


My Viki's boyfriend comes to dinner Easter Sunday, we haven't met him yet....yes, its some time now and apparently he keeps asking when. Vik did tell me to clean the house, i told her she could do it cheeky mare ! ha ha, but as i've continually moaned about the mess (although I guess she can see its not up to my usual standard) it was said with a laugh, i know it isnt really an issue with her, although it had got untidy, mainly with washing sat waiting to be put where it belongs and ive been doing lots of paper work (well overdue.) This however,was before the dust down pour and its now been a necessity to spring clean rather than just tidy up. In reality my house can be classed as immaculate (even with dust and building work ) when i compare to many people i know, NO Im NOT a house proud woman, far from it but when well, i do clean daily, only because its soooo much easier.
Of course being ill and building work going on has taken its toll on the house.
My lounge carpet is white, was white, is back to white lol having just spent 3 days cleaning it :/
Its been hard with building work, illness and new pup but the carpet was a good one and has held its own. I cleaned it and its come up like new.

Clothes are a huge issue at the moment where on earth do i put them?, how come i have nothing to wear? Why do i have a mountain of washing every day? ... same with washing up its a relentless task, i have soooo got to go through and de-clutter!

Diet :/ ummmm
no diet today sleep eat sleep eat sleep eat etc... i do so want to lose this weight but how am i ever gonna do it when im in this sort of state?
Im still trying, one blogger i follow has just done the 146.8lbs loss, clever thing, cos its damn hard, a lot of work and effort and energy... Well done to her ! Im seriously envious and hope i can get my butt in to gear and get on time is ticking away for the big 5 0 OMG!


Well im still sleepy, i need to go to bed (again :/) this is just not me!
Ive had a good cry, its ok its because i just watched Armageddon, lovely film not a good one to watch while recovering from depression :S


have a good weekend all hope the sun shines for you all x

Depression :/ understanding ???

Depression affects a person's thoughts, outlook, and behaviour and mood they can also feel tired, irritable, with changes in appetite.

Depression can cloud everything.

The world looks bleak and the person's thoughts reflect that hopelessness and helplessness.

People with depression tend to have negative and self-critical thoughts. Despite their true value, people with depression can feel worthless and unlovable.

Significant weight loss or gain along with significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning)

Feelings of guilt or worthlessness aches and pains (with no known medical cause) pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future) thoughts of death or suicide

Depressed mood or sadness most of the time (for what may seem like no reason) lack of energy and feeling tired all the time inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure .

Withdrawal from friends and family irritability, anger, or anxiety inability to concentrate

A feeling of having lost yourself, of not participating, a ghost like feeling.

Few people understand why some one suffering gets angry over a trivial matter. All normal sense of things are out of proportion the smallest unnoticeable thing is a huge issue to someone with depression and its a reason those not suffering can not understand.
Its more than sadness or low mood.
If you dont suffer please be patient, an exercise to help understand will to be of your worst most fearful moment and imagine it being even worse than you can think and thats what normal everyday things are like for a depressive person.

Having a good catch up with bloggers

I feel so envious of those bloggers that have such cool sites, many that i visit im just struck with awe and wishing i could make mine so interesting.
My blog started after seeing a friend write her journey and i thought it might help me... which it has...

Its been my own diary, allowing myself to vent, scream, be miserable, cry, laugh and all sorts for what ive needed as i fight depression and the crap my life has in it at the moment.All though my fight goes on daily, i am improving and with each day of improvement, i find with reading the blogs i follow that they helped me and i would like to have my blog do the same for others.
I would like more now than just my own diary, so watch this space!

Sad news of the day cos its everyday in my world :( as many know!

The Landlord is renovating the pub to a 'posh' restaurant (think i said in last blog) It may mean the end of our darts team after all this time.
Darts helped me through the worst of my life, being with the girls a night out and friendly competition took me away (some times) from the reality of the trauma i was going through. Its been some thing ive loved to do, and im quite good at and of course the girls, we laugh and chat and support each other, get drunk and fall in hedges once in a while. Its a sad time i hope we can find another home but its not likely at the moment ....Thanks Richard i hope throwing away all that you had doesnt come back to bite you ... although some times i hope it does (mean thought :S not really meant but....)


Oh and yes that horrible thing the big 5 0 is looming nearer.



People are sneaking about re what to get me and do for me :/ i would be quite happy to hide in the corner of the shed and pretend its not happened. I hope they realise im not ready for parties i really dont think i could do something like that omg! NOTE tell kids to make sure no one does that!!


Good news :) thats a newby lol
Well im not under the weather although that friend of mine has a tummy bug and one of the other girls has it now :/ ive told them to stay away from me.
Im almost done de-dusting and breathing has improved.
Spring is here i have daffodil's showing their little faces :) in full bloom bright and sunny yellow, warmth and sunshine to catch up !

Ive Enjoyed a day reading others blogs some sad some inspiring all of them very good (thats why im following i guess) but its time to go back and get on with the de-dust. My allergy is main reason but it also complies with my daughters request to tidy my house before she allows the new boyfriend to come over and meet us ummm! take us as he finds us is what i told her, but she is right its time to clear and clean now where is she i need help!

Tea time before the 1st bedroom is tackled :)

Raining again in more ways than one

Umm sun didnt last long, so its raining again :(

It dont rain but it pours and im a true example :/ the latest is we will have no darts team, our lovely local has cast us out to become a posh restaurant clone of all the others sad day!
There are few options if any left but we are looking, Land lord has not said anything to us just to our captain, no sorry girls after i begged you to come play for me im gonna kick you out! we had other options available then and turned them down to be with him now they are not longer available and hes kindly got rid of us, how a little money changes people.

Diet omg i dont know what to do nothing seems to work ive been so good :(
on putting my stats in the new web site my cals seem to be on the lower side 1200-1500 but the fat content is high and this is clearly my nemisis, im gonna have a break over Easter and then sort some thing out re the fat content of my food, i think this is where i need to put my efforts if that dont work :/ im not sure what i can do im getting to desperate nothing works stage - oh dear !

Sun is shining in England

Whoa what is that round yellow thing shining in the sky lol we have had a few odd days pretending to be spring but despite a beautiful bright sunny day its been BRRRRRRRRRRR cold, today its dare i say errr warm lol NOT strip your jumper off warm although i did run down town in just a t shirt (and joggers socks knickers etc ) just jumperless :D

De dusting ... im still at it :/ but i have windows and doors open to aid me in breathing im still have a huge amount do do but my good news of the moment im doing ok on the wellness front :)

Diet SNARL omg i put lb on but i had a good day so far today and when re checked ive lost it again lol however i need to stop the yo yo dieting its getting me down so im back on a major crack down and today the sunshine and de dusting has helped me ignore food and ive been on the diet to the letter .... please let tomorrow be the same and the next year :o

well back to work shame i cant be in the garden but its good to have windows open just gonna turn the stereo up
:D

With a tender love
You filled my lonely days
You made me need you, darling
In so many ways

But you no longer
Come around very much
And lately there's no
Tenderness in your touch

Where did it go
That warm and tender feeling
Where did it go
That love that I believed in

You filled my life
With so much meaning
It's empty now
Now that you're leaving me

Just look what you've done
You've turned my dreams to dust
I thought you needed me
But now I find that you're leaving me
Oh, you've turned my heart to stone
Without you by my side
Where will I get the
Strength to carry on

Now helplessly I stand
Watching love walk away
There's nothing I can do
Nothing I can say

For you, our love
Was just a passing thing
But to me, my darling
It was everything

Where did it go
The love I always turned to
Where did it go
Where do I go without you

When I needed you
You were always there
I'm nothing now
Without your love to share

Oh, where did it go
The love I always turned to
Where did it go
And where do I go without you

When I needed you
You were always there
I'm nothing now
Without your love to share

You, you've turned my dreams to dust
I thought you needed me

Dust de Dust de Dust :/

De dusting.... cough wheeze splutter, took me all day ... ive only done the lounge, admittedly ive been very thorough due to necessity of the allergy but i still have rest of house to do :/ oh well im having lunch.

One of my little chooks (who have not been laying lately ) has kindly laid an egg so im having full fat bread (toast) butter and its fried with its dark golden runny yolk along with the usual drop of yellow on my jumper :/ oh well its all part an parcel of enjoying an egg YUM!
A rare treat among the days of dieting which are doing absolutely nothing anyway :/

The diet is going no where fast and i can only look on at other bloggers with envy as i yo yo, i am off up to the gym later, my diet has been very good to what it normally is so whys it not coming off ? ... well i dont know (SNARL) it seem to be going on if i sniff food but i can work my socks off for 2 weeks and do i lose a lb? no i put it on... growl!

De dust de dust has not helped as its left me feeling weak and lethargic its been hard to breathe and know ive not worked quite as hard as normal at the gym but i have been going and i extended my time as i wanted to up my pace so i was doing around about the same cal burn off as a hard work out.
I have def got to get rid of the bread which also comes with butter although lately its been reduced to almost nothing.
My friend keeps saying my body may be adjusting, errr well its taking a damn long time it dont seem to need to adjust to put it on :(

So lunch done, back to de dust what a chore :( guess its the joys of having an extension to the house, im just wishing it was finished now but because hubby is rarely here it gets started and left started and left and drags on ... i told him i may employ a builder to finish :o he was not impressed :)

De dust is calling... wheeze