Things can only get better -Time to change!!!: ME ME ME

Friday, 8 January 2010

ME ME ME

Me in the 80's

So big 50 on its way .. me me me is this years motto : not a good start cant get on with things cos of the snow (snarl) but i have started detox and managed 3 days before attacked with pmt/pms cramps but i will just start again when im better and finish my last 4 days.

This is me in mexico swimming with dolphins ... unbelieveable 1999

This is me and my friend Dee during my illness on rare occasion i was out

Me and Mel darts finals night 2008

Me ready to go to nephews wedding 2007

Me and my friend tracy this new years eve 2009~2010

Now im looking after me, ive done for everyone else this is my year i come first this year everyone else has come first for my entire life now its my turn :)

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my journey in this life

After reading my friends blogging page I found i wanted to have a blog - I wanted some where i could put down all that i couldnt say out loud normally.
My blog is not a 'pleasant' blog - its my venting blog, I know its not going to be a popular blog my lifes not been so good and this is what my blog is about.
But it does have my good times here too , it also has my lovely family who are my blessing in this life.

After illness I lost 'me' some of you may understand this others may not, I call it invasion of the body snatchers (any one seeing the old 50's movie will understand) and although this is to maybe help to me, perhaps it will help someone out there too, sharing the trials of living with depression and trauma and show we are not alone. We all suffer in various ways but also much of the time we suffer the same.

This is about my journey since illness. I feel different in my whole being, I cant explain, as i dont understand myself. I feel I have lost the person I was and for a long time I have felt empty, the only way i can describe it is 'invasion of the body snatchers' as i said above - but although I am now 'well' or rather getting there, I am not the old me anymore nor do i feel i ever will find that me again, so I am thinking (as i am slowly recovering) i will have to find a new me and begin again - In addition it seems my past life is being wiped away. The last 7 years ( and i did not break a mirror) has left me with over 70 bereavements of family and close friends those that have been part of my younger life i grew up with and i loved. My son almost lost his too but i thank god everyday hes still here and well . Also just about everything else horrible that you can imagine seems to have happened too (as if losing those you love isnt hard enough) . Im hoping 7 years of rubbish is over and is the last the bad things. 2013 year one of the good years :)

During this excessive amount of trauma I became very very ill, its been a long, very long dark journey getting well but although I am now able to function on a more 'normal' level (but really only just clinging - on the sadness and pain hasnt stopped yet). Its time for things to get better

~There may be moments when I slip back to that darkness so forgive me, but your welcome to comment, add your own feelings, thoughts and experiences, I am willing to discuss anything the good the bad and the ugly. I hope some times among my screams and vents you see a smile too :)

Things can only get better -Time to change!!!

liam

Friday, 8 January 2010

ME ME ME

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