Do i keep hoping??

Well seems things are just never gonna get better :( its 6 years ive put up with illness, bereavements and just about any other shit that can be thrown at me so whens it gonna stop??

Its taken toll on my mind body and my whole well being, i didnt think i would get through this last lot but i have only to catch every sniffle, stomach bug as well as coping with menopause hitting me we are on repairing and replacing vehicles for the umpteenth time, its taken a fortune and my merc sits rotting as we just cant find time and money because we have to keep spending out on the vehicles that we need to earn the money to pay for them!

Nicks just hit someone AGAIN ffs! nothing serious just a bump but its a new radiator job at least and we no longer have the run a round festa as he wrecked that one too :/ Wills truck has just gone up from £200 to £530 thats only for parts (some one is seriously taking the piss!) and this is only the cars
We also had all this nightmare with viki and her car - incompetant insurance DVLA and post office at the same time she had her new leather jacket stolen, and liams bank account hacked of £89
some of its been resolved now just one more thing to sort but what an unnecessary nightmare!!!
Finances are not so hot, after losing work because of snow for months we are now just paying out on all and everything vehicles have drained us - nick and viki needed some help and we are working with no real rest no chance of a holiday and cant even get on with the house, which is a total mess everywhere! When your working every hour you at least expect some thing left dont you?

Our water heater is playing up, we desperately need to get a boiler and every time we get near something else comes up - we have been replacing pretty much everything in our house for 6 years (and some times twice) and we are still paying out on things but its not even just that we have had to pay out and replace there is always some complication with it - delivery mess ups all sorts of things just to make it hard work.

Ive been off work so no income from me ive had yet ANOTHER flu bug just wiped me out, tried to go back to work monday and nearly passed out but hopefully i will get there tomorrow - i missed darts :( and stuck in doors driving me mad as i got well i still had no energy to move.

Im not liking work this time round its not helped that ive been coping with all the other shit at home but started getting stressed at work to  :(

We had Ali, Joan and Dave die this year, just heard of some other people have died too (known for years but not close friends) i dont even get to grieve for one person before another dies and its scary!!!
My mum is frail and failing and its worrying she was 90 this year and we all know she wont be with us much longer although i keep praying cos i  want to hold on to her as long as i can. But again ive not seen much of her because i cant risk her getting these bugs.

SO ... what do i do now?? Ive quite frankly had enough, and i dont know what to do?Things can only get better??  but what if they dont? Hope is fading and i dont think i can manage much more.

A religious friend told me that god only lets us endure what we are strong enough to cope with, thats not true i dont think god would let us endure this if he could stop it  - cos i didnt cope - im still struggling and its hard and painful and unfair to have so much/many bad things happen for so long a time - it wont make me a stronger person, its broken me once and i know i wont recover from another bout, how much longer am i to endure??
I believe the devil is on my back and hes digging his claws in and god has to much else to do, to know about whats happening to me. God was there when i needed him most, when my nick almost died i prayed for his life and i know god got my boy through it and i thank god daily for being with me when we needed him most. Im guessing there are others that need that help and my overload of bad luck is secondary but in the mean time this devils claws are digging deep :(

Im back to work tomorrow - tired and fed up and dont really want to go but need to not only for money but i dont like to let them down, i think im well enough now, just hope i can get my head working :/

so im off for a bath if i can get some hot water and try not to drown myself but relax and take a deep breath begin again and keep on hoping?? i hope so!