liam

liam
my grandson the yoda lol

Tuesday 25 September 2012

Trying to resolve things but how do we do it

I'm not looking at regaining the friendship lost but i would like to put it to rest and  have some peace - to move on and walk away - if it can be resolved all the better but my main aim is for me to find comfort and peace from it



Decide what you want. First of all determine whether or not you want to salvage this relationship, and why. "Moving on" is not always the only or the best choice; don't believe either that if you lose one real good friend, you'll never find another. Any relationship can be repaired in time, however if you are not fully ready, or if it's an unhealthy relationship that requires you to compromise your values or your self-respect, then now may not be the time. Realizing that the friendship is not at the stage you'd like it to be in can be a positive step toward eventually solving the issues between you and the other individual. Your self-esteem improves as you help another person gain a sense of belonging, and a feeling of mutual respect; bad friendships undermine your security and self-worth. A little dignity can go a long way into the early stages of repairing your rift. Don't fall into the trap of focusing on the negative qualities of the person they have had fallen out of favour with to justify your moving on; if you're going to let go of the relationship, devaluing the other person is just a cheap trick and not responsible.

ok - so ..... i dont think im ready  - i still maintain i did no wrong and even accepting they thought different .. i feel in making the first move will be admitting i did when i didnt :/

 Forgive as best as you can. When someone slights you, offends you, or hurts you deeply it is easy to want to respond in kind, retaliate, withdraw, become overtly defensive, sink into a depression, self-sabotage, or just feel plain mucky. The problem with these attitudes is that they are inaccurate reactions we use to "protect" ourselves from danger, real or imagined, but ultimately are in direct opposition to what we truly desire and are seeking: it either prevents us from communicating, or makes us behave defensively and hostile if we do, dooming our attempt to failure or a forced reconciliation that will not work in the long run. Ultimately conflict only breeds more conflict, and we must avoid this vicious cycle and free ourselves from a desire to hurt back, or to slump into quiet desperation. Ultimately we are trying to tip the balance of power in our favour, which in itself isn't necessarily a bad idea, except it neglects the humanity of the other individual involved in the dispute. Set your pride aside and bear in mind that the other person's perspective may be completely different - they may not even have realized that they hurt you. You may arrive at a point where you have forgiven as much as you can without communicating.

I have forgiven all that has been thrown up at me - im finding it more difficult that my very close friend snubbed me all night and thought it was ok to treat me that way!

 Make meaningful contact. Once you have decided that it might be a wise idea to re-establish contact, you need to write a note, call, or visit the person to convey with the utmost sincerity and honesty one primary message: "Our friendship is valuable to me, and I miss seeing you. Is there any way we can resolve what stands between us?" The point is simple - to convey your affection, express your willingness for reconciliation and invite them to an open, honest discussion. There is no need right now to air your grievances or even make elaborate apologies.

 I have established contact with those around ie her parents i was also close to her mum who it now seems has walked away from me. Both parents have now ignored me despite my having spoken to them since they werent involved in the arguement . My other 'friend' who stands with her (but only  for her own welfare ) leaves me to the side and only bothers with me when she has no one else or it benefits her :(
 
 Find out what went wrong. You two must find a way to accurately understand the situation, with a logical, truthful, and rational perspective. Admit yourself that people are neither inherently evil nor inherently good (instead the harsh reality is that we lie somewhere in between.) This does not mean that we don't have innate human destructive tendencies... but it also does not mean that we don't have innate human productive tendencies either and presents with a more realistic view of reality. We're not always aware of the consequences or significance of our actions, either.

I know what went wrong - she got the hump over nothing a minor comment as to  who was driving all i said was  ' wasnt it your mums turn to drive' thats all i said! - she then continued by throwing other things up she didnt like my reply - after all i dont need to take abuse and lies from anyone however, i did put it aside say there was no problem dont worry about it that i would see  her shortly - which i did i spoke to her as normal but she ignored me - i spoke to again on 2 other occasions she continued to ignore me - was bought up that it was rude to ignore people i would have been punished for doing so - but also i dont expect to be disrespected in that way . Her text abuse went on when she realised that i wasnt going to allow that behaviour towards me and i decided (again because she was my freind) that i would walk away - others would not have been given the same courtesy

 Understand the differences. Throughout history there have been plenty of examples showing both sides of the story; showing that differences can be accepted and understood. It isn't the differences themselves that are the problem, but how we deal with these differences. People even have different ways of handling conflict, and this once again needs to be understood before reconciliation can come about.

I understand our differences - ive grown up with a huge family that you learn to accept peoples differences and different opinions - i know why she got the hump she thought once again she and her mum would get away with some one else driving and when i commented on it being her mums turn she felt maybe guilt of offence as she thought she could just use me again and again. The difference is she thought she could behave that way i thought she couldnt~!

 Take responsibility. You need to own up to your side of the story, since it always takes two to fight. Begin to offer a sincere apology for not being the kind of friend you wanted yourself to be and/or the type of friend you could have been. Identify specific things you did that contributed to the downfall and confess them to the other person. Ask for forgiveness, but try not to demand it. Even if your apology is not accepted you can always come back to it later, and try again once you think things through a little more.

I have accepted that the comment gave her the hump for some reason that doesnt mean she could ignore me and im not taking responsiblity for that - i went out and put it all aside she ignored me for no reason other than she had the hump and didnt like it - I didnt like her attitude or what she had said either but for our friendship i put it aside - she didnt

 Rebuild trust and respect. If the friendship is to be restored or to survive it depends a great deal on how you value yourself as well as the other person (i.e. it depends a lot on the idea of respect.) It is more ethical and more responsible to focus on a person's positive qualities, as focusing on the negative only demeans the value of the others natural humanity, and causes the conflict to be prolonged and reconciliation to be eschewed.

I loved her like one of my own - i still do but i just cant allow her to treat me like that and i cant disrespect myself in having her think it was my fault by making the first move. :(

  • Though it can be pretty difficult to remember, try to keep a cool head. Remember that the angrier you get, the more chance you'll say things you're going to regret later, and the deeper you dig the grave you've got to eventually climb out of.
  • I find it sad but recent things have made me angry when having lost the darts game i love her and my grrr other friend gloating and boasting about darts in front of me as far as im concerned they were totally mean thoughtless and nasty to do so!
  • It is ethically better to be sincere with remorse than to pretend to have remorse.
  • If its needs to show remorse i would given the chance should she make the first move to renewing our friendship
  • Whether you want to glance ashamedly up at them or maintain "honest" eye contact is up to you.
  • An apology is always more sincere-seeming when delivered in person with an accompanying attitude of penitence. However do not assume that simply because an apology is sincere that you will be forgiven.
  • In this situation i cant apologise - i wasnt in the wrong i never said anything offensive - if i said to you or you said to anyone -wasnt your mum suposed to be driving would you then get offended?? i think not!
  • Some relationships never return to the original joy they once had, but this doesn't mean that it isn't possible, or that it shouldn't be given a try. If you feel pain, regret, or remorse when you think about a lost friend and do nothing about it, you'll never know what might have been.
  • It wont ever be the same now i know that i just want some peace and move on be it ignore her or resolve things

  • Don't overdo it. Unless you already have a reputation for doing so, don't apologize a thousand times. Two or three max very sincere apologies will do just fine.
  • No apology im afraid not from me
  • Don't use something tacky as a gift. Your younger siblings may enjoy a fluorescent orange teddy bear you bought at a yard sale, but a teacher or boss probably will not.
  • NO WAY
  • Don't use something too expensive as a gift. It'll look like a bribe, and unless your superior is crooked, it'll make you look... well, crooked. And if your superior is crooked, he/she could drag you into a downward spiral of bribes and blackmail. (This isn't so far fetched as you may think, just think of the situations between siblings across the world.) 
  • No gifts
  • Unless they use it often and it's the only way to contact them, please don't text message your apology. Maybe it's just me, but it comes across as insincere when its written like this.
  • No texting its to impersonal 
  •  
If your friend is really sensitive it's probably best you don't mention a lot of wrong things she/he has done.

Shes the one throwing up a lot of things not me :(

I Guess she never really cared for me - but its time to get my own peace some how
 

Monday 24 September 2012

THE FAIR IS IN :)

I soooo love the fair its brilliant 3 days it takes up all our town suddenly  life hits our quiet market town. The show wasnt here this year it's a pitiful shame all the 100's of years it went on but hopefully back next  

Some pics :) :)







 yes i got them all on the twisters !!!



Long time no blog :/

Busy past few months and things have been relatively good im plodding on - the wedding went really well - will post in a bit along with photos

Things slowed down now and i have time to sit back - but im not wanting to go back to where i might get low and sad, with time on my hands i get to thinking and with those around me still the horrible people they were and rubbing my nose in things its difficult - ive moved on and had a good time but no time to think about them and so its been easy - with their horrible behaviour now in my ear and with time to listen its leaving me extremely unhappy  HOW DARE THEY but yes they dare 
I'm now wanting them out of my life but one of them has taken over from the life i had my own fault i introduced the fly in to the soup and im the one paying - i have to live with her gloating i can only wait for KARMA what goes around comes around but in the mean time its a hurtful wait 








pics of the wedding 


Was all good - also had daves 50th party pics excellent night catching up








The only shame of this last month is the people around me that think they are better than me - i have to find a way to stop it affecting me because when i was busy and they didnt matter things were good so time to really put them aside and get them out my life !!!!

Tuesday 4 September 2012

busy and rough few weeks :/

Well - ughh busy busy busy - been doing muchly - but that dreaded thing attacked me and its been rough - along with it ive been tired and unwell and that leads to the even more dread binging :/ :(

THE DIET

Well im holding my own at the 19lbs loss - but going no where - i know why firstly im eating more and doing less in exercise - ive been busy but its not the busy as in activity to help lose weight. 
Im glad ive not added but if i keep on i will :(
The pmt hit me big time it was a rough one im drained tired and not feeling well and im EATING grrr omg
im sooooooo annoyed with myself but i cant do anything about it - yes i have tried ive attempted to exercise and its not worked ive attempted to keep food under control but ive eaten it before its registered :(

So my goal is to get back to it - the rest of the week is busy im off for some botox umm yep im doing it :/ i feel so old and scraggy im not looking to get young just get rid of the scraggy will do - besides i couldnt afford to eeek!
The wedding is this weekend - had a suprise text to go for a meal with 'my friend' i use the term loosely and all was as it always is i think i said in last post she out of the blue patted my hand and her eyes watered but when i asked if she was ok just smiled  - guilt?? maybe she thought she was losing me (and she would be correct) there is definately some thing going on. However, im ready to put her aside with the others - shes not done enough for me to consider her in anyway my best friend anymore or even a true friend feel used really i wondered if the invite was just a let me look at you as ive had my hair lashes done and lost the weight ,
Wedding will be interesting as i said before the 'others' will be there - i must say i have no inclination to go back i do miss darts i miss the girly nights but hey ho i have moved on i just wish there was some thing to fill in between i just need better friends but dont do anything much to meet them - but times are a changing and getting better :)

There has recently been an upset with my yo friends :( two have fallen out - de ja vue - one has to my horror boasted about getting rid of her kids and not spending any more money on them shes so happy her 'partner' not the kids father decided that the kids  have 60 days after graduation to get out  then they are on their own - shes gone along with it firstly i think shes scared of losing the partner hes clearly domineering just from things she says and other incidents - well one of the girls made a comment about it not being appropriate there has been the usual (again de ja vue) messaging not good :/ :/  i totally agree with the comments that she has been really in appropriate with what she posted ( must be awful for her kids not only experiencing it but then having their mum say so too - its made me angry) so one of the girls decided to delete her and their friendship has gone she said she lost all respect for her and to tell the truth i have too but i love her :S she was my first fb friend on yo we have a special bond im so torn - i hate what shes done but even more what she has said on fb :( i feel 2 faced and a hypocrite :( :( it hurts that our girls are now torn like i say its de ja vue - just as its happened with my darts team its now happened with the yo girls im so sad - may be thats whats made this last couple of weeks tough i felt so bad :( and im not over the other situation yet ughhhhhhhhh arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ive so had enough :'(

Well moving on some thing ive learned to do a little but not hugely yet 
I'm gonna post the dresses - not good photos as the camera was lower than me so pointing straight up to my belly and certainly not flattering :/  but i still have a lot of work to do on the diet yet - losing the 19lbs its suddenly dawned me how big i had got and had been in denial - many have noticed the difference but its mainly off my top and face - my arms are still big and the belly needs a lot fo work yet i have lost about 3-4 inches and my hips are definately going down (my biggest and slowest area)  im in my old jeans and the new bigger ones that i had that were just fitting snuggly are way to big im glad to say even though they are new and  hardly worn - ive def gone down a dress size and looking for the next dress size :D :D







 Pics of the wedding to come after saturday - hoping for a sunny day dont want the hard work of my hair and outfit ruined and sure the bride and party wont want it raining either

so thats it for now - docs in the morning so need to sleep early start !

My fluffy tuppence

My fluffy tuppence

tuppence

tuppence