Things will never get better :(

How can things get better now - my mums no longer here :'( how can i look at things and think it will be alright when after losing so many family and friends i also lose my mum ?  

I have to carry on yes, i know that  - LIFE GOES ON - but its an empty life now how do i build on such loss people cant be replaced. Live on treasured memories but thats not living its dream back to a life i  no longer have - i cant forget obviously and certainly wouldnt want to, but how do i go on? how does my life go on?

For a long time now the world seemed darker lonelier for each loss it was worse than the time before and now the ultimate price of my mum, i miss her so much.

I had some lovely cards and flowers my work colleagues sent me a huge bouquet
The funeral went well - well as well as any day like that can :/  the day was sunny all went smoothly the church was packed to capacity no room left but we knew she was well loved, the church is a big one over 300 people attended. She was carpeted with flowers as she wanted to be - we were told how proud she would have been but i think she would be most proud of our family - despite all the problems issues disputes they stood together for her NOW SHE REALLY WOULD HAVE BEEN PROUD OF THAT!

So what do i do now? 

Well - im still sorting things at mums. :( once thats done i guess i will have little reason to go there but i  have to pass her house everyday i cant go any other way.
I have a little more time at work guess that will keep me busy for a while :/
I need to crack on and diet - i need to lose this weight and get fit i soooooooooo need to.
We need to finish our house so we can finally sit back and we desperately need a holiday - unlikely for a while yet but maybe things will turn up and we will get to have a break

Im tired now need to sleep if i can manage it 

Finally at rest mum, never alone your with dad now x

Funeral of my lovely mum was yesterday saddest day of my life, after six years of countless bereavements, illness, almost losing my son and just about as much other crap as any one could endure, the worst day of my life happened 10/08/11 when my mum passed away.

She is now with my dad and finally resting, for such a sad occasion we couldnt have wished for anything better all went well. Someone told me she would be proud of the send off she had , the church was packed to overflowing and she is carpeted in flowers just showing how much she was thought of and loved. But i think the thing she would be proudest of is  her family, despite disputes and many problems they stood together for her and made the day perfect .

Ellen May Probets 07/05/21 - 10/08/11  Loving mother to 10 children 7 sons and 3 daughters grandmother to 35 + grandchildren and 28 and counting great grandchildren

MUCH LOVED deeply missed every moment

My lovely lovely mum passed away :'( 10/08/2011 RIP mum xxx

My lovely lovely mum  miss her already so very very much 

THE WORLD IS A MUCH DARKER PLACE WITHOUT HER IN IT :(