Decide what you want. First of all determine whether or not you want to salvage this relationship, and why. "Moving on" is not always the only or the best choice; don't believe either that if you lose one real good friend, you'll never find another. Any relationship can be repaired in time, however if you are not fully ready, or if it's an unhealthy relationship that requires you to compromise your values or your self-respect, then now may not be the time. Realizing that the friendship is not at the stage you'd like it to be in can be a positive step toward eventually solving the issues between you and the other individual. Your self-esteem improves as you help another person gain a sense of belonging, and a feeling of mutual respect; bad friendships undermine your security and self-worth. A little dignity can go a long way into the early stages of repairing your rift. Don't fall into the trap of focusing on the negative qualities of the person they have had fallen out of favour with to justify your moving on; if you're going to let go of the relationship, devaluing the other person is just a cheap trick and not responsible.
ok - so ..... i dont think im ready - i still maintain i did no wrong and even accepting they thought different .. i feel in making the first move will be admitting i did when i didnt :/
Forgive as best as you can. When someone slights you, offends you, or hurts you deeply it is easy to want to respond in kind, retaliate, withdraw, become overtly defensive, sink into a depression, self-sabotage, or just feel plain mucky. The problem with these attitudes is that they are inaccurate reactions we use to "protect" ourselves from danger, real or imagined, but ultimately are in direct opposition to what we truly desire and are seeking: it either prevents us from communicating, or makes us behave defensively and hostile if we do, dooming our attempt to failure or a forced reconciliation that will not work in the long run. Ultimately conflict only breeds more conflict, and we must avoid this vicious cycle and free ourselves from a desire to hurt back, or to slump into quiet desperation. Ultimately we are trying to tip the balance of power in our favour, which in itself isn't necessarily a bad idea, except it neglects the humanity of the other individual involved in the dispute. Set your pride aside and bear in mind that the other person's perspective may be completely different - they may not even have realized that they hurt you. You may arrive at a point where you have forgiven as much as you can without communicating.
I have forgiven all that has been thrown up at me - im finding it more difficult that my very close friend snubbed me all night and thought it was ok to treat me that way!
Make meaningful contact. Once you have decided that it might be a wise idea to re-establish contact, you need to write a note, call, or visit the person to convey with the utmost sincerity and honesty one primary message: "Our friendship is valuable to me, and I miss seeing you. Is there any way we can resolve what stands between us?" The point is simple - to convey your affection, express your willingness for reconciliation and invite them to an open, honest discussion. There is no need right now to air your grievances or even make elaborate apologies.
I have established contact with those around ie her parents i was also close to her mum who it now seems has walked away from me. Both parents have now ignored me despite my having spoken to them since they werent involved in the arguement . My other 'friend' who stands with her (but only for her own welfare ) leaves me to the side and only bothers with me when she has no one else or it benefits her :(
Find out what went wrong. You two must find a way to accurately understand the situation, with a logical, truthful, and rational perspective. Admit yourself that people are neither inherently evil nor inherently good (instead the harsh reality is that we lie somewhere in between.) This does not mean that we don't have innate human destructive tendencies... but it also does not mean that we don't have innate human productive tendencies either and presents with a more realistic view of reality. We're not always aware of the consequences or significance of our actions, either.
I know what went wrong - she got the hump over nothing a minor comment as to who was driving all i said was ' wasnt it your mums turn to drive' thats all i said! - she then continued by throwing other things up she didnt like my reply - after all i dont need to take abuse and lies from anyone however, i did put it aside say there was no problem dont worry about it that i would see her shortly - which i did i spoke to her as normal but she ignored me - i spoke to again on 2 other occasions she continued to ignore me - was bought up that it was rude to ignore people i would have been punished for doing so - but also i dont expect to be disrespected in that way . Her text abuse went on when she realised that i wasnt going to allow that behaviour towards me and i decided (again because she was my freind) that i would walk away - others would not have been given the same courtesy
Understand the differences. Throughout history there have been plenty of examples showing both sides of the story; showing that differences can be accepted and understood. It isn't the differences themselves that are the problem, but how we deal with these differences. People even have different ways of handling conflict, and this once again needs to be understood before reconciliation can come about.
I understand our differences - ive grown up with a huge family that you learn to accept peoples differences and different opinions - i know why she got the hump she thought once again she and her mum would get away with some one else driving and when i commented on it being her mums turn she felt maybe guilt of offence as she thought she could just use me again and again. The difference is she thought she could behave that way i thought she couldnt~!
Take responsibility. You need to own up to your side of the story, since it always takes two to fight. Begin to offer a sincere apology for not being the kind of friend you wanted yourself to be and/or the type of friend you could have been. Identify specific things you did that contributed to the downfall and confess them to the other person. Ask for forgiveness, but try not to demand it. Even if your apology is not accepted you can always come back to it later, and try again once you think things through a little more.
I have accepted that the comment gave her the hump for some reason that doesnt mean she could ignore me and im not taking responsiblity for that - i went out and put it all aside she ignored me for no reason other than she had the hump and didnt like it - I didnt like her attitude or what she had said either but for our friendship i put it aside - she didnt
Rebuild trust and respect. If the friendship is to be restored or to survive it depends a great deal on how you value yourself as well as the other person (i.e. it depends a lot on the idea of respect.) It is more ethical and more responsible to focus on a person's positive qualities, as focusing on the negative only demeans the value of the others natural humanity, and causes the conflict to be prolonged and reconciliation to be eschewed.
I loved her like one of my own - i still do but i just cant allow her to treat me like that and i cant disrespect myself in having her think it was my fault by making the first move. :(
- Though it can be pretty difficult to remember, try to keep a cool head. Remember that the angrier you get, the more chance you'll say things you're going to regret later, and the deeper you dig the grave you've got to eventually climb out of.
- I find it sad but recent things have made me angry when having lost the darts game i love her and my grrr other friend gloating and boasting about darts in front of me as far as im concerned they were totally mean thoughtless and nasty to do so!
- It is ethically better to be sincere with remorse than to pretend to have remorse.
- If its needs to show remorse i would given the chance should she make the first move to renewing our friendship
- Whether you want to glance ashamedly up at them or maintain "honest" eye contact is up to you.
- An apology is always more sincere-seeming when delivered in person with an accompanying attitude of penitence. However do not assume that simply because an apology is sincere that you will be forgiven.
- In this situation i cant apologise - i wasnt in the wrong i never said anything offensive - if i said to you or you said to anyone -wasnt your mum suposed to be driving would you then get offended?? i think not!
- Some relationships never return to the original joy they once had, but this doesn't mean that it isn't possible, or that it shouldn't be given a try. If you feel pain, regret, or remorse when you think about a lost friend and do nothing about it, you'll never know what might have been.
- It wont ever be the same now i know that i just want some peace and move on be it ignore her or resolve things
- Don't overdo it. Unless you already have a reputation for doing so, don't apologize a thousand times. Two or three max very sincere apologies will do just fine.
- No apology im afraid not from me
- Don't use something tacky as a gift. Your younger siblings may enjoy a fluorescent orange teddy bear you bought at a yard sale, but a teacher or boss probably will not.
- NO WAY
- Don't use something too expensive as a gift. It'll look like a bribe, and unless your superior is crooked, it'll make you look... well, crooked. And if your superior is crooked, he/she could drag you into a downward spiral of bribes and blackmail. (This isn't so far fetched as you may think, just think of the situations between siblings across the world.)
- No gifts
- Unless they use it often and it's the only way to contact them, please don't text message your apology. Maybe it's just me, but it comes across as insincere when its written like this.
- No texting its to impersonal
Shes the one throwing up a lot of things not me :(
I Guess she never really cared for me - but its time to get my own peace some how
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