still numbing :/

Odd feeling this numbness - i have had it before, the good thing is that stuff that should hurt doesnt - but with pain you know your alive - this numbness is a limbo , its currently a relief from the sadness, from the hurt my 'friends' caused me - ive been able to go on as 'usual', actually had some nice days - struggling with getting on with things but thats not unusual at all . 
I wish things were different and i know i am better off numb to everthing at the moment, maybe its part of the healing process, however, its a strange strange feeling. 

Hubby been home 2 days this week, its been nice bit of short money week to come but he rarely has a rest.
Sister her hubby and my vik and co were round monday for bbq - was a nice day. It was also a difficult one in that my neutral 'friend' my 'friend' of over 40 years also had a bbq and invited my so called 'friend' (as they are best buddies now) but never asked me, how could she do that over 40 years and she asks what was MY 'friend' to go and not me . Its not painful any longer, as i say i have this numbness come over me, but what sort of people are they ?? what sort of person i she??

oh well biding my time - things will change after september.

The diet

so i got back down but put 2 on over the holidays :( unhappy as i didnt think i had done anything that should have destroyed my hard work - and the result was today i had a crisp binge grrrrrrrrrrrrrr
kick me kick me :/

back to it tomorrow all is back to normal

So its rained all over the bank holiday and our extra day due to the jubliee the celebrations were superb in many ways
we did get most of yesterday ok ish and bbq'ed but its been miserable

Today has been a seriously lazy day (lazy eating too as above grr) 
not much else going on  so im off to zzzzzzzzzz