Such a lazy day :S
Ive slept most of it, so hope those girls have not given me that nasty tummy bug _ no signs yet thankfully .....
So not much of anything going on today, hubby finished pipe work and put the screed floor down so most of the worst is done Hes now in a really ratty mood - over tired cos he just wont stop ! Well the electrician is required before the ceiling is plastered but there is no hurry as long as i can put the washing machine on the rest can wait for decoration.
My spring clean is at a halt, ive worn myself out, but i have done lounge, hall stairs landing, bathroom and began a bedroom oh and i did have a whip round the conservatory thankfully not so bad as the rest of the house and needed little doing, in addition ive kept up with the mass of washing cos ive washed EVERY THING! lol and wiped round the kitchen daily to keep on top of it as hubby wrecks all that i do :/ so when i tackle that it hopefully wont be to much of a killer clean!
My Viki's boyfriend comes to dinner Easter Sunday, we haven't met him yet....yes, its some time now and apparently he keeps asking when. Vik did tell me to clean the house, i told her she could do it cheeky mare ! ha ha, but as i've continually moaned about the mess (although I guess she can see its not up to my usual standard) it was said with a laugh, i know it isnt really an issue with her, although it had got untidy, mainly with washing sat waiting to be put where it belongs and ive been doing lots of paper work (well overdue.) This however,was before the dust down pour and its now been a necessity to spring clean rather than just tidy up. In reality my house can be classed as immaculate (even with dust and building work ) when i compare to many people i know, NO Im NOT a house proud woman, far from it but when well, i do clean daily, only because its soooo much easier.
Of course being ill and building work going on has taken its toll on the house.
My lounge carpet is white, was white, is back to white lol having just spent 3 days cleaning it :/
Its been hard with building work, illness and new pup but the carpet was a good one and has held its own. I cleaned it and its come up like new.
Clothes are a huge issue at the moment where on earth do i put them?, how come i have nothing to wear? Why do i have a mountain of washing every day? ... same with washing up its a relentless task, i have soooo got to go through and de-clutter!
Diet :/ ummmm
no diet today sleep eat sleep eat sleep eat etc... i do so want to lose this weight but how am i ever gonna do it when im in this sort of state?
Im still trying, one blogger i follow has just done the 146.8lbs loss, clever thing, cos its damn hard, a lot of work and effort and energy... Well done to her ! Im seriously envious and hope i can get my butt in to gear and get on time is ticking away for the big 5 0 OMG!
Well im still sleepy, i need to go to bed (again :/) this is just not me!
Ive had a good cry, its ok its because i just watched Armageddon, lovely film not a good one to watch while recovering from depression :S
have a good weekend all hope the sun shines for you all x
liam
my grandson the yoda lol
Saturday 27 March 2010
Friday 26 March 2010
Depression :/ understanding ???
Depression affects a person's thoughts, outlook, and behaviour and mood they can also feel tired, irritable, with changes in appetite.
Depression can cloud everything.
The world looks bleak and the person's thoughts reflect that hopelessness and helplessness.
People with depression tend to have negative and self-critical thoughts. Despite their true value, people with depression can feel worthless and unlovable.
Significant weight loss or gain along with significant change in sleep patterns (inability to fall asleep, stay asleep, or get up in the morning)
Feelings of guilt or worthlessness aches and pains (with no known medical cause) pessimism and indifference (not caring about anything in the present or future) thoughts of death or suicide
Depressed mood or sadness most of the time (for what may seem like no reason) lack of energy and feeling tired all the time inability to enjoy things that used to bring pleasure .
Withdrawal from friends and family irritability, anger, or anxiety inability to concentrate
A feeling of having lost yourself, of not participating, a ghost like feeling.Few people understand why some one suffering gets angry over a trivial matter. All normal sense of things are out of proportion the smallest unnoticeable thing is a huge issue to someone with depression and its a reason those not suffering can not understand.
Its more than sadness or low mood.
If you dont suffer please be patient, an exercise to help understand will to be of your worst most fearful moment and imagine it being even worse than you can think and thats what normal everyday things are like for a depressive person.
Having a good catch up with bloggers
I feel so envious of those bloggers that have such cool sites, many that i visit im just struck with awe and wishing i could make mine so interesting.
My blog started after seeing a friend write her journey and i thought it might help me... which it has...
Its been my own diary, allowing myself to vent, scream, be miserable, cry, laugh and all sorts for what ive needed as i fight depression and the crap my life has in it at the moment.All though my fight goes on daily, i am improving and with each day of improvement, i find with reading the blogs i follow that they helped me and i would like to have my blog do the same for others.
I would like more now than just my own diary, so watch this space!
Sad news of the day cos its everyday in my world :( as many know!
The Landlord is renovating the pub to a 'posh' restaurant (think i said in last blog) It may mean the end of our darts team after all this time.
Darts helped me through the worst of my life, being with the girls a night out and friendly competition took me away (some times) from the reality of the trauma i was going through. Its been some thing ive loved to do, and im quite good at and of course the girls, we laugh and chat and support each other, get drunk and fall in hedges once in a while. Its a sad time i hope we can find another home but its not likely at the moment ....Thanks Richard i hope throwing away all that you had doesnt come back to bite you ... although some times i hope it does (mean thought :S not really meant but....)
Oh and yes that horrible thing the big 5 0 is looming nearer.
People are sneaking about re what to get me and do for me :/ i would be quite happy to hide in the corner of the shed and pretend its not happened. I hope they realise im not ready for parties i really dont think i could do something like that omg! NOTE tell kids to make sure no one does that!!Good news :) thats a newby lol
Well im not under the weather although that friend of mine has a tummy bug and one of the other girls has it now :/ ive told them to stay away from me.
Im almost done de-dusting and breathing has improved.
Spring is here i have daffodil's showing their little faces :) in full bloom bright and sunny yellow, warmth and sunshine to catch up !
Ive Enjoyed a day reading others blogs some sad some inspiring all of them very good (thats why im following i guess) but its time to go back and get on with the de-dust. My allergy is main reason but it also complies with my daughters request to tidy my house before she allows the new boyfriend to come over and meet us ummm! take us as he finds us is what i told her, but she is right its time to clear and clean now where is she i need help!
Tea time before the 1st bedroom is tackled :)
Thursday 25 March 2010
Raining again in more ways than one
Umm sun didnt last long, so its raining again :(
It dont rain but it pours and im a true example :/ the latest is we will have no darts team, our lovely local has cast us out to become a posh restaurant clone of all the others sad day!
There are few options if any left but we are looking, Land lord has not said anything to us just to our captain, no sorry girls after i begged you to come play for me im gonna kick you out! we had other options available then and turned them down to be with him now they are not longer available and hes kindly got rid of us, how a little money changes people.
Diet omg i dont know what to do nothing seems to work ive been so good :(
on putting my stats in the new web site my cals seem to be on the lower side 1200-1500 but the fat content is high and this is clearly my nemisis, im gonna have a break over Easter and then sort some thing out re the fat content of my food, i think this is where i need to put my efforts if that dont work :/ im not sure what i can do im getting to desperate nothing works stage - oh dear !
It dont rain but it pours and im a true example :/ the latest is we will have no darts team, our lovely local has cast us out to become a posh restaurant clone of all the others sad day!
There are few options if any left but we are looking, Land lord has not said anything to us just to our captain, no sorry girls after i begged you to come play for me im gonna kick you out! we had other options available then and turned them down to be with him now they are not longer available and hes kindly got rid of us, how a little money changes people.
Diet omg i dont know what to do nothing seems to work ive been so good :(
on putting my stats in the new web site my cals seem to be on the lower side 1200-1500 but the fat content is high and this is clearly my nemisis, im gonna have a break over Easter and then sort some thing out re the fat content of my food, i think this is where i need to put my efforts if that dont work :/ im not sure what i can do im getting to desperate nothing works stage - oh dear !
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Sun is shining in England
Whoa what is that round yellow thing shining in the sky lol we have had a few odd days pretending to be spring but despite a beautiful bright sunny day its been BRRRRRRRRRRR cold, today its dare i say errr warm lol NOT strip your jumper off warm although i did run down town in just a t shirt (and joggers socks knickers etc ) just jumperless :D
De dusting ... im still at it :/ but i have windows and doors open to aid me in breathing im still have a huge amount do do but my good news of the moment im doing ok on the wellness front :)
Diet SNARL omg i put lb on but i had a good day so far today and when re checked ive lost it again lol however i need to stop the yo yo dieting its getting me down so im back on a major crack down and today the sunshine and de dusting has helped me ignore food and ive been on the diet to the letter .... please let tomorrow be the same and the next year :o
well back to work shame i cant be in the garden but its good to have windows open just gonna turn the stereo up
:D
Tuesday 23 March 2010
With a tender love
You filled my lonely days
You made me need you, darling
In so many ways
But you no longer
Come around very much
And lately there's no
Tenderness in your touch
Where did it go
That warm and tender feeling
Where did it go
That love that I believed in
You filled my life
With so much meaning
It's empty now
Now that you're leaving me
Just look what you've done
You've turned my dreams to dust
I thought you needed me
But now I find that you're leaving me
Oh, you've turned my heart to stone
Without you by my side
Where will I get the
Strength to carry on
Now helplessly I stand
Watching love walk away
There's nothing I can do
Nothing I can say
For you, our love
Was just a passing thing
But to me, my darling
It was everything
Where did it go
The love I always turned to
Where did it go
Where do I go without you
When I needed you
You were always there
I'm nothing now
Without your love to share
Oh, where did it go
The love I always turned to
Where did it go
And where do I go without you
When I needed you
You were always there
I'm nothing now
Without your love to share
You, you've turned my dreams to dust
I thought you needed me
You filled my lonely days
You made me need you, darling
In so many ways
But you no longer
Come around very much
And lately there's no
Tenderness in your touch
Where did it go
That warm and tender feeling
Where did it go
That love that I believed in
You filled my life
With so much meaning
It's empty now
Now that you're leaving me
Just look what you've done
You've turned my dreams to dust
I thought you needed me
But now I find that you're leaving me
Oh, you've turned my heart to stone
Without you by my side
Where will I get the
Strength to carry on
Now helplessly I stand
Watching love walk away
There's nothing I can do
Nothing I can say
For you, our love
Was just a passing thing
But to me, my darling
It was everything
Where did it go
The love I always turned to
Where did it go
Where do I go without you
When I needed you
You were always there
I'm nothing now
Without your love to share
Oh, where did it go
The love I always turned to
Where did it go
And where do I go without you
When I needed you
You were always there
I'm nothing now
Without your love to share
You, you've turned my dreams to dust
I thought you needed me
Dust de Dust de Dust :/
De dusting.... cough wheeze splutter, took me all day ... ive only done the lounge, admittedly ive been very thorough due to necessity of the allergy but i still have rest of house to do :/ oh well im having lunch.
One of my little chooks (who have not been laying lately ) has kindly laid an egg so im having full fat bread (toast) butter and its fried with its dark golden runny yolk along with the usual drop of yellow on my jumper :/ oh well its all part an parcel of enjoying an egg YUM!
A rare treat among the days of dieting which are doing absolutely nothing anyway :/
The diet is going no where fast and i can only look on at other bloggers with envy as i yo yo, i am off up to the gym later, my diet has been very good to what it normally is so whys it not coming off ? ... well i dont know (SNARL) it seem to be going on if i sniff food but i can work my socks off for 2 weeks and do i lose a lb? no i put it on... growl!
De dust de dust has not helped as its left me feeling weak and lethargic its been hard to breathe and know ive not worked quite as hard as normal at the gym but i have been going and i extended my time as i wanted to up my pace so i was doing around about the same cal burn off as a hard work out.
I have def got to get rid of the bread which also comes with butter although lately its been reduced to almost nothing.
My friend keeps saying my body may be adjusting, errr well its taking a damn long time it dont seem to need to adjust to put it on :(
So lunch done, back to de dust what a chore :( guess its the joys of having an extension to the house, im just wishing it was finished now but because hubby is rarely here it gets started and left started and left and drags on ... i told him i may employ a builder to finish :o he was not impressed :)
De dust is calling... wheeze
One of my little chooks (who have not been laying lately ) has kindly laid an egg so im having full fat bread (toast) butter and its fried with its dark golden runny yolk along with the usual drop of yellow on my jumper :/ oh well its all part an parcel of enjoying an egg YUM!
A rare treat among the days of dieting which are doing absolutely nothing anyway :/
The diet is going no where fast and i can only look on at other bloggers with envy as i yo yo, i am off up to the gym later, my diet has been very good to what it normally is so whys it not coming off ? ... well i dont know (SNARL) it seem to be going on if i sniff food but i can work my socks off for 2 weeks and do i lose a lb? no i put it on... growl!
De dust de dust has not helped as its left me feeling weak and lethargic its been hard to breathe and know ive not worked quite as hard as normal at the gym but i have been going and i extended my time as i wanted to up my pace so i was doing around about the same cal burn off as a hard work out.
I have def got to get rid of the bread which also comes with butter although lately its been reduced to almost nothing.
My friend keeps saying my body may be adjusting, errr well its taking a damn long time it dont seem to need to adjust to put it on :(
So lunch done, back to de dust what a chore :( guess its the joys of having an extension to the house, im just wishing it was finished now but because hubby is rarely here it gets started and left started and left and drags on ... i told him i may employ a builder to finish :o he was not impressed :)
De dust is calling... wheeze
Monday 22 March 2010
yes i love life crap as it may be at the moment
I love life, does seem odd? i guess, to people knowing my miserable out look, gloomy moods etc its probably the last thing they expect me to say...
~Thing are soooo crap at the moment and have been for a very long long time, on and off during my life, but all the same i dont want it to end and it surprises people.
Even during my darkest hours when i could easily have done some thing soooo sooo stupid (and confession .. i came close a few times... far to close :/)
it wasnt because i didnt want to live, strangely it was because i was just so tired, tired of living yes but not of life ! I never had a thought that i would end it, that i wanted to die that if i carried out such a thing i wouldnt wake up, all i thougth was that i just wanted to sleep, sleep away the pain and hurt. I wanted to be like the princess that slept for a hundred years, i of course wasnt thinking rationally thats how those sort of things come about.
Im fortunate that my STOP button was working for me.
As bad as things have been ive not turned to drink and only drugs were prescribed medically to enable me to fight on, i have never wanted to blur my life out with drink and drugs. Sadly medication was needed because how ill i had become but they never put me in a comatosed stupor, sadly depression its self did that for a while, i had no control :(
Ive always faced all thats been thrown at me, it did get so bad i eventually couldnt cope mentally or physically but everyone has a breaking point.
Sadly, recently i went to a funeral of someone i grew up with, his life was filled with drink and drugs and im not sure any of his life was much more than a blur bless him, it wasnt a good life but i feel sad that he was to drugged or drunk to know that he had lived :(
So yes i know im miserable gloomy sad blah blah all that stuff but thats cos of the life i have, things i cant change.
Its not always in our power to change things and often we dont get to make the choices we really want, often we have to put the needs of others before ourselves like it or not, because they are more dependent and in need than ourselves and the choice we would have preferred. Other times things happen totally out of our control and it hurts people we love stop loving us stop caring, walk by like we never were a part of their lives and others leave us because they have no choice illness or accident take them and we are left to grieve and carry on with a part of our hear broken just that little bit more.
Well this post has turned out gloomy :/ not because im in a bad sad or gloomy mood but because those around me are in shock that i said i love life, course i dont love all the nasty things! I wish things could be better, i wish i could have made other choices, i wish things could have been different, i wish things would change but i do love living! i love the earth, i love the sky and sun and rain and trees and grass and everything, i love to watch butterflies and listen to birds, i love walking through the woods or on a beach watching the sunrise or set, looking at the stars, all those beautiful things we have and take for granted.
Depression, cronic fatigue, bereavement, menopause robbed me of the little clips of joy in this life but ive started to wake again from this nightmare, im crawling my way out of this dark tunnel and there is a glimpse of light although its a fight every day. I'm starting to see the sun again only once in a while but at least its there.
For all those that have been there for me right down to that small kind comment on facebook i say THE BIGGEST THANK YOU many dont understand but so many are kind enough to have stood with me anyway and listened to the sadness, hurt the rants and screams and have made me smile once in a while despite every nasty thing around me.
Yes i love life :)
~Thing are soooo crap at the moment and have been for a very long long time, on and off during my life, but all the same i dont want it to end and it surprises people.
Even during my darkest hours when i could easily have done some thing soooo sooo stupid (and confession .. i came close a few times... far to close :/)
it wasnt because i didnt want to live, strangely it was because i was just so tired, tired of living yes but not of life ! I never had a thought that i would end it, that i wanted to die that if i carried out such a thing i wouldnt wake up, all i thougth was that i just wanted to sleep, sleep away the pain and hurt. I wanted to be like the princess that slept for a hundred years, i of course wasnt thinking rationally thats how those sort of things come about.
Im fortunate that my STOP button was working for me.
As bad as things have been ive not turned to drink and only drugs were prescribed medically to enable me to fight on, i have never wanted to blur my life out with drink and drugs. Sadly medication was needed because how ill i had become but they never put me in a comatosed stupor, sadly depression its self did that for a while, i had no control :(
Ive always faced all thats been thrown at me, it did get so bad i eventually couldnt cope mentally or physically but everyone has a breaking point.
Sadly, recently i went to a funeral of someone i grew up with, his life was filled with drink and drugs and im not sure any of his life was much more than a blur bless him, it wasnt a good life but i feel sad that he was to drugged or drunk to know that he had lived :(
So yes i know im miserable gloomy sad blah blah all that stuff but thats cos of the life i have, things i cant change.
Its not always in our power to change things and often we dont get to make the choices we really want, often we have to put the needs of others before ourselves like it or not, because they are more dependent and in need than ourselves and the choice we would have preferred. Other times things happen totally out of our control and it hurts people we love stop loving us stop caring, walk by like we never were a part of their lives and others leave us because they have no choice illness or accident take them and we are left to grieve and carry on with a part of our hear broken just that little bit more.
Well this post has turned out gloomy :/ not because im in a bad sad or gloomy mood but because those around me are in shock that i said i love life, course i dont love all the nasty things! I wish things could be better, i wish i could have made other choices, i wish things could have been different, i wish things would change but i do love living! i love the earth, i love the sky and sun and rain and trees and grass and everything, i love to watch butterflies and listen to birds, i love walking through the woods or on a beach watching the sunrise or set, looking at the stars, all those beautiful things we have and take for granted.
Depression, cronic fatigue, bereavement, menopause robbed me of the little clips of joy in this life but ive started to wake again from this nightmare, im crawling my way out of this dark tunnel and there is a glimpse of light although its a fight every day. I'm starting to see the sun again only once in a while but at least its there.
For all those that have been there for me right down to that small kind comment on facebook i say THE BIGGEST THANK YOU many dont understand but so many are kind enough to have stood with me anyway and listened to the sadness, hurt the rants and screams and have made me smile once in a while despite every nasty thing around me.
Yes i love life :)
Saturday 20 March 2010
soooooo whats up today?
:/ My count down clocks not working i set it and it tells me my time left for the big 50 looming (:/) and then when i come out its back to nothing ... but as of this moment in time i have 82 days 18 hours omg !
Im suffering at the moment took a while to work out why im feeling in my usual state of unwellnesss (is that a word?) illness is probably the correct word. PING it hit me hubby is plastering i cant do dust of any sort and one of the worst is plaster it never occurred to me while i lay there thinking omg what have i caught now? that Will was the reason, i soooo need him to get this house finished we have one bedroom to alter and the landing, im not sure i will survive that long. Its clearly effecting my brain as i know the dust makes me ill like this yet ive laid time after time thinking i have this that or other many of my flu like symptoms are probably him and the dust he creates. However often my thinking is probably been due to the fact many around me are sniffing and sneezing and this nasty cold miserable weather we continually have.NOTE TO MYSELF remember about the dust!
This is not my house mine will be some where under the dust ha ha ha :
THE DIET
or not as the case may be :/ummm i put on a lb despite not being able to eat as mentioned in previous blog, and ive been soo good since but has the lb gone NO! growl been to the gym followed the diet and on rare occasion that i indulged i had salad stuff no cals so whats happening ??? am i just gonna get fatter and fatter no matter what i do?
oh dear, but not to despair im still trying.
So whats next today ?
NOT MUCH is the answer i cant tidy up the massive amount of mess in my kitchen /diner and i need to stay out of the dust, nothing on TV :/ even though there are 10 million channels, i dont really feel up to doing much anyway but i dont want another day of sitting looking at the ceiling, off i go in search of some thing will let you know if i got off the bum or not lol :)
have a great weekend all x
Im suffering at the moment took a while to work out why im feeling in my usual state of unwellnesss (is that a word?) illness is probably the correct word. PING it hit me hubby is plastering i cant do dust of any sort and one of the worst is plaster it never occurred to me while i lay there thinking omg what have i caught now? that Will was the reason, i soooo need him to get this house finished we have one bedroom to alter and the landing, im not sure i will survive that long. Its clearly effecting my brain as i know the dust makes me ill like this yet ive laid time after time thinking i have this that or other many of my flu like symptoms are probably him and the dust he creates. However often my thinking is probably been due to the fact many around me are sniffing and sneezing and this nasty cold miserable weather we continually have.NOTE TO MYSELF remember about the dust!
This is not my house mine will be some where under the dust ha ha ha :
THE DIET
or not as the case may be :/ummm i put on a lb despite not being able to eat as mentioned in previous blog, and ive been soo good since but has the lb gone NO! growl been to the gym followed the diet and on rare occasion that i indulged i had salad stuff no cals so whats happening ??? am i just gonna get fatter and fatter no matter what i do?
oh dear, but not to despair im still trying.
So whats next today ?
NOT MUCH is the answer i cant tidy up the massive amount of mess in my kitchen /diner and i need to stay out of the dust, nothing on TV :/ even though there are 10 million channels, i dont really feel up to doing much anyway but i dont want another day of sitting looking at the ceiling, off i go in search of some thing will let you know if i got off the bum or not lol :)
have a great weekend all x
Tuesday 16 March 2010
Well now that youve had a little rest from me ha ha im back :P
So ... here's the BIGGY dare i tempt fate??
Ive been well for over a week now :D :D :D whooooo whooo ha ha ha
Good news on that front at least sadly the down side (cos there is always one in my world) is that crap keeps on happening
The start of last week i got to espy a post on my Nicks FB saying whooa close shave this morning ... I immediately knew it was nothing to do with his actually shaving :/
Apparently following 2 cars at snail pace he decided to over take, nice clear road, easy to pass but the front idiot (who had decided to do 2 miles an hour for miles) decided he would speed up seeing another car along side and then as Nick braked guess what he did, yes he braked to ... with a car now coming head on nick had to brake really hard to get behind the 2nd car, which sent his car in to a spin :/.
To the F*****g Idiot in the front car... errr thanks pal, to play games with peoples lives like that, Ive already nearly lost my son once, thank you very much SNARL!
What did it do to him to let my boy by ? clearly he wasnt in any hurry. But to do some thing so stupid putting lives at risk because he didnt want to be over taken damn idiot. Maybe he just likes piling up traffic to play those sort of games. Wonder how long he takes to kill some one!
Next crap: My temp crown broke, it decided to do it Saturday afternoon so i couldnt get it fixed and suffered all weekend. I did manage to cement the bottom part on which at least protected the tooth a little and stopped the ache to some degree along with pain killers. All repaired today and proper crown is to be done monday :)
I kinda missed out on Sunday, MOTHERS DAY here in England :) because i was unable to eat much and taking pain killers on a virtually empty stomach i made myself unwell felt quite strange for a while and had to lay down for a few hours.
However i had some lovely cards from the kids money from Nick perfume and dreaded chocolates from Viki, so i indulged (feeling sorry for myself) easy to eat and i so paid the price today at gym having put on 1lb , it should have counter balanced with the not eating?? i had high hopes but it didnt happen ahhh whats new :/ lol
Today is a special day of remembrance, a special anniversary for me with someone i lost and miss soooooooo much Im marking it with buying a butterfly for my newly acquired bead charm bracelet. Some times we dont get to choose our choices come because of how things effect others i wish my choice could have been the one i wanted and i will always regret but this time others mattered more.
Friday i had mail from my friend Rita from Canada she sent a charm bracelet with 2 bead charms. She sent to our group (4 of us who play yoville, how we met) along with it she sent a beautiful letter, which made me cry.
The charms she chose related to each of us and one bunny one that we all have. I sent her back a queen bee which relates to her being queen bee of the game but also she has a bee outfit that i love all apt for her :) Im going to add to my charm story the butterfly. http://www.haliajewelry.com/
I have lots to do this week including the dreaded paper work my main avoidance is here but i guess i have to do it while my head (errr and body i guess lol ) can cope. I will put it off till the last minute but it keeps looking at me :/
A beautiful sunny day today still cold, had a few sunny but extremely cold days today was bearable. The clocks go back in 12 days im so looking forward to spring its time we had some decent weather its been a very long winter!
This is my swimming pool, yes actually in my back garden :) cant wait to have the sunny days they tend to be far and few in England for the past couple of years, nasty nasty winter this year so should deserve a really good summer ... it about time we did and its good to see the kids enjoy the pool ... these are my friends kids
In general same old crap but different day but at least im well enough to cope im hoping it stays that way but its a day at a time only way i can get by ...
a note for jo one of my followers stay strong your surrounded by those who love you even if they dont understand xxx
Ive been well for over a week now :D :D :D whooooo whooo ha ha ha
Good news on that front at least sadly the down side (cos there is always one in my world) is that crap keeps on happening
The start of last week i got to espy a post on my Nicks FB saying whooa close shave this morning ... I immediately knew it was nothing to do with his actually shaving :/
Apparently following 2 cars at snail pace he decided to over take, nice clear road, easy to pass but the front idiot (who had decided to do 2 miles an hour for miles) decided he would speed up seeing another car along side and then as Nick braked guess what he did, yes he braked to ... with a car now coming head on nick had to brake really hard to get behind the 2nd car, which sent his car in to a spin :/.
To the F*****g Idiot in the front car... errr thanks pal, to play games with peoples lives like that, Ive already nearly lost my son once, thank you very much SNARL!
What did it do to him to let my boy by ? clearly he wasnt in any hurry. But to do some thing so stupid putting lives at risk because he didnt want to be over taken damn idiot. Maybe he just likes piling up traffic to play those sort of games. Wonder how long he takes to kill some one!
Next crap: My temp crown broke, it decided to do it Saturday afternoon so i couldnt get it fixed and suffered all weekend. I did manage to cement the bottom part on which at least protected the tooth a little and stopped the ache to some degree along with pain killers. All repaired today and proper crown is to be done monday :)
I kinda missed out on Sunday, MOTHERS DAY here in England :) because i was unable to eat much and taking pain killers on a virtually empty stomach i made myself unwell felt quite strange for a while and had to lay down for a few hours.
However i had some lovely cards from the kids money from Nick perfume and dreaded chocolates from Viki, so i indulged (feeling sorry for myself) easy to eat and i so paid the price today at gym having put on 1lb , it should have counter balanced with the not eating?? i had high hopes but it didnt happen ahhh whats new :/ lol
Today is a special day of remembrance, a special anniversary for me with someone i lost and miss soooooooo much Im marking it with buying a butterfly for my newly acquired bead charm bracelet. Some times we dont get to choose our choices come because of how things effect others i wish my choice could have been the one i wanted and i will always regret but this time others mattered more.
Friday i had mail from my friend Rita from Canada she sent a charm bracelet with 2 bead charms. She sent to our group (4 of us who play yoville, how we met) along with it she sent a beautiful letter, which made me cry.
The charms she chose related to each of us and one bunny one that we all have. I sent her back a queen bee which relates to her being queen bee of the game but also she has a bee outfit that i love all apt for her :) Im going to add to my charm story the butterfly. http://www.haliajewelry.com/
I have lots to do this week including the dreaded paper work my main avoidance is here but i guess i have to do it while my head (errr and body i guess lol ) can cope. I will put it off till the last minute but it keeps looking at me :/
A beautiful sunny day today still cold, had a few sunny but extremely cold days today was bearable. The clocks go back in 12 days im so looking forward to spring its time we had some decent weather its been a very long winter!
This is my swimming pool, yes actually in my back garden :) cant wait to have the sunny days they tend to be far and few in England for the past couple of years, nasty nasty winter this year so should deserve a really good summer ... it about time we did and its good to see the kids enjoy the pool ... these are my friends kids
In general same old crap but different day but at least im well enough to cope im hoping it stays that way but its a day at a time only way i can get by ...
a note for jo one of my followers stay strong your surrounded by those who love you even if they dont understand xxx
Saturday 6 March 2010
hummph ... diet?? think that means you' lose' weight???
Grrrr growl snarl snort etc... i lost my wonderful 5lbs and 3lbs is back on ... what did i do???? well who knows? i had a couple of days that i had a minor, i say again MINOR blip not much over my allotted calories, no real nasty foods that i should avoid :(
For 3 weeks ive been spot on (hence i guess the 5lbs) i was still on track but for a few silly things that should never have meant a 3lb gain :'(
So what did i do last night? i had a take away 'self sabotage' yes i know but sinus pain, the thought of cooking and feeling generally miserable about the gain i did self sabotage however, im trying with all my might today to get back on track but im still miserable so its making it hard but so far so good
Am i never gonna be able to even slightly indulge ever again? a couple of small things and 3 weeks work out the window.
I have been to the gym, did attempt a light effort to move my body, I have struggled as the sinus is still with me (Dentist tomorrow) and yes, i did comfort eat... if thats what you call those couple of extra sandwiches on the thurs and friday when i felt poorly but i monitored all i ate and i was only a few hundred calories over of which i must have worked most off at the gym despite my poor effort.
Oh well try try again i may lock myself in my bedroom away from all temptation in the kitchen.
Tuppence had a nice walk today (we left the car down town last night having had a drink) so that got me out the house for a while .
Yesterday was my friend Denise's birthday so we went and celebrated on a small pub crawl, i didnt over do things (honest honest although tempted) to much but now i have that fear of the damage on the scales, my only hope for salvation is that, if i can stay good till next weigh in i may not see the damage ha ha ha
well i guess hope is all i have to live for lately SO i keep hoping:D
This is the girls at darts Denise the birthday girl is the one in black on the end looking away lol
Happy birthday Denise hope you enjoyed xx
So whats next for today ... well a fridge picker trying to diet may be so busy today that she wont pick ha ha there is that hope thing again lol ... spring cleaning is on its way :/ ummm this is my next hope of the day, that i will get stuck in and forget the temptations currently lurking in my cupboards and fridge ...
No thats not me ... oh how i wish lol. Wouldnt it be so good to look like that cleaning ....NAH! the thing that would make me happy is for her to come and do the cleaning (or anybody for that matter) lol
Is it just m
e, or does everyone else have mountains of washing? (both clean ironed and dirty) it seems to be spread all over my house instead of in the wardrobes etc where it belongs, most seems to belong to me :/ SO how come, i can never find anything to wear in the mornings.
I consider my wardrobe very sparse compared to my family and friends (poor deprived me lol) what the hell do they do with all their stuff???
I am in desperate need for newby clothes i am currently almost bag woman style :/ im not kidding.
I did go have my hair sorted out it soooooo nice to have tidy nice hair ( fat body needs to get thinner then an ocean of botox required too but i will get there) Everyone likes the hair (i seems or are they just being nice or that after what it looked like anything is nice ha ha) but its not me, its an inverted bob and although done very nice, i dont think it suits me, maybe i need give it time, im used to my hair being pulled back and this flat style is something completely different . Oh well, will see how it goes but in the mean time its at least kept me from the bag woman status lol!
Im just having an omelette on some weight watchers bread (no butter :( !) but its nice so off to calculate cals what a chore !
And then back to the cleaning arghhhh
hope all have a nice day :Dxxx
For 3 weeks ive been spot on (hence i guess the 5lbs) i was still on track but for a few silly things that should never have meant a 3lb gain :'(
So what did i do last night? i had a take away 'self sabotage' yes i know but sinus pain, the thought of cooking and feeling generally miserable about the gain i did self sabotage however, im trying with all my might today to get back on track but im still miserable so its making it hard but so far so good
Am i never gonna be able to even slightly indulge ever again? a couple of small things and 3 weeks work out the window.
I have been to the gym, did attempt a light effort to move my body, I have struggled as the sinus is still with me (Dentist tomorrow) and yes, i did comfort eat... if thats what you call those couple of extra sandwiches on the thurs and friday when i felt poorly but i monitored all i ate and i was only a few hundred calories over of which i must have worked most off at the gym despite my poor effort.
Oh well try try again i may lock myself in my bedroom away from all temptation in the kitchen.
Tuppence had a nice walk today (we left the car down town last night having had a drink) so that got me out the house for a while .
Yesterday was my friend Denise's birthday so we went and celebrated on a small pub crawl, i didnt over do things (honest honest although tempted) to much but now i have that fear of the damage on the scales, my only hope for salvation is that, if i can stay good till next weigh in i may not see the damage ha ha ha
well i guess hope is all i have to live for lately SO i keep hoping:D
This is the girls at darts Denise the birthday girl is the one in black on the end looking away lol 
Happy birthday Denise hope you enjoyed xx
So whats next for today ... well a fridge picker trying to diet may be so busy today that she wont pick ha ha there is that hope thing again lol ... spring cleaning is on its way :/ ummm this is my next hope of the day, that i will get stuck in and forget the temptations currently lurking in my cupboards and fridge ...
No thats not me ... oh how i wish lol. Wouldnt it be so good to look like that cleaning ....NAH! the thing that would make me happy is for her to come and do the cleaning (or anybody for that matter) lol
Is it just m
e, or does everyone else have mountains of washing? (both clean ironed and dirty) it seems to be spread all over my house instead of in the wardrobes etc where it belongs, most seems to belong to me :/ SO how come, i can never find anything to wear in the mornings.I consider my wardrobe very sparse compared to my family and friends (poor deprived me lol) what the hell do they do with all their stuff???
I am in desperate need for newby clothes i am currently almost bag woman style :/ im not kidding.
I did go have my hair sorted out it soooooo nice to have tidy nice hair ( fat body needs to get thinner then an ocean of botox required too but i will get there) Everyone likes the hair (i seems or are they just being nice or that after what it looked like anything is nice ha ha) but its not me, its an inverted bob and although done very nice, i dont think it suits me, maybe i need give it time, im used to my hair being pulled back and this flat style is something completely different . Oh well, will see how it goes but in the mean time its at least kept me from the bag woman status lol!
Im just having an omelette on some weight watchers bread (no butter :( !) but its nice so off to calculate cals what a chore !
And then back to the cleaning arghhhh
hope all have a nice day :Dxxx
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