The last one PLEASE!!!

My blog remains on the sad side due to circumstances
Tomorrow is wilseys funeral :( i so want it to be the last one - 2012 to be funeral free no more please . Alans funeral last week was a cremation - i really dont like them (wilseys is too) but there were over 200 people attended one of the few comforting things is to know how well thought of and loved they were in this life. I hope my friend Sue will do ok - shes alone now, her daughter is grown up and has her own family- this should have been the time she and alan spent together for their selves. Wilsey never married or had children, he was a troubled lad but had sorted things out for his self , I guess we will never know why he decided he couldnt do this life any more shame when poor alan wanted to live and would have given anything :(

Some one told me that i should expect to start losing people as i am now older - i can understand that but i did expect more round the 60's not at 50 and not soooooooo many soooo quickly (some so young)
2005 was the start of this my mum in hospital week before xmas followed by my son xmas eve, i still thank god today for letting him stay with us - i did ask him to take me , but i would rather be here to see my boy safe and grow up. I promised god i would give something up and did so (sorry cant explain)  although it pretty much broke my heart to do so, i would do the same again for my either of my kids.
in the next 2 1/2 year period we lost 19 family and close friends 6 years down the line we are into 60+ of them :( this year alone there have been 12  (wilseys being the 12th)  So my prayers are now that we have no more of this. That 2012 is funeral free for us - we have had more than our fair share of sadness, grief and hearbreak.
Much of this made me ill, with the addition of that dreaded menopause - so apologies for those who have read my miserable writings - i guess thats what my life has been for a long long time  Im hoping this is the last miserable sad post - NO more funerals PLEASE!!!!


Im soooo tired - this last few weeks ive had back pain and sciatica - sadly i seem to have comfort ate :( as it eased it got in control again and lost 3lbs only to catch the sciatica again and what do i do YEP i start stuffing my face - ive gone up a lb and problably more since i weighed earlier as ive continued to confort eat - seems my brain goes numb and i dont seem to know im doing it till its to late :( oh well

Im thinking i will try as best i can xmas coming on its gonna be difficult but hopefully after xmas i can begin again properly ! 

This pain is dragging me down - i need to get it under control more so than the food, im just worn out now.
Food hospital gives me hope to improve but i think to try as best i can till im well and pain free :(