Things can only get better -Time to change!!!: Well that goal went up in smoke :/

Thursday 1 December 2011

Well that goal went up in smoke :/

Well good intentions to keep my blog on a possitive side has once again flown out the window :( - its been a struggle because my life isnt filled with good things, but ive been trying - SADLY yet again i have a funeral to attend - my childhood best friends husband has just passed away :( senario didnt look good when he was diagnosed a few months ago with leukemia but they had got 3 donors, however they werent able to proceed due to various medical problems . Today sadly Alan (Pikey) Roach passed away :( was only in his early 50's

RIP

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my journey in this life

After reading my friends blogging page I found i wanted to have a blog - I wanted some where i could put down all that i couldnt say out loud normally.
My blog is not a 'pleasant' blog - its my venting blog, I know its not going to be a popular blog my lifes not been so good and this is what my blog is about.
But it does have my good times here too , it also has my lovely family who are my blessing in this life.

After illness I lost 'me' some of you may understand this others may not, I call it invasion of the body snatchers (any one seeing the old 50's movie will understand) and although this is to maybe help to me, perhaps it will help someone out there too, sharing the trials of living with depression and trauma and show we are not alone. We all suffer in various ways but also much of the time we suffer the same.

This is about my journey since illness. I feel different in my whole being, I cant explain, as i dont understand myself. I feel I have lost the person I was and for a long time I have felt empty, the only way i can describe it is 'invasion of the body snatchers' as i said above - but although I am now 'well' or rather getting there, I am not the old me anymore nor do i feel i ever will find that me again, so I am thinking (as i am slowly recovering) i will have to find a new me and begin again - In addition it seems my past life is being wiped away. The last 7 years ( and i did not break a mirror) has left me with over 70 bereavements of family and close friends those that have been part of my younger life i grew up with and i loved. My son almost lost his too but i thank god everyday hes still here and well . Also just about everything else horrible that you can imagine seems to have happened too (as if losing those you love isnt hard enough) . Im hoping 7 years of rubbish is over and is the last the bad things. 2013 year one of the good years :)

During this excessive amount of trauma I became very very ill, its been a long, very long dark journey getting well but although I am now able to function on a more 'normal' level (but really only just clinging - on the sadness and pain hasnt stopped yet). Its time for things to get better

~There may be moments when I slip back to that darkness so forgive me, but your welcome to comment, add your own feelings, thoughts and experiences, I am willing to discuss anything the good the bad and the ugly. I hope some times among my screams and vents you see a smile too :)

Things can only get better -Time to change!!!

liam

Thursday 1 December 2011

Well that goal went up in smoke :/

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