My brother Andrew and myself attended Martyns funeral yesterday - it was a heartbreaking day but i thought having gone and said my goodbyes i would start to heal from the pain of his loss - but today seems no different.
~ I spoke to his mum, i could see she didnt recognise me and told her who i was, she was clearly over whelmed and repeatedly said how wonderful it was and lovely of me to attend, she then spotted andrew (who she knew straight off) and continuted to say how wonderful of us to attend, she was so over whelmed at us being there but I said of course we came, he was our dearest friend.
Although we have not seen him for some years we grew up together we were best friends and nothing ever changed that - when ever our paths crossed it would be just like we had seen each other yesterday - true friendship never dies
When I spoke to his dad and asked if Martyn had been ill long, he said he had seen him at christmas and he looked tired and old - i mentioned that it had said in the paper 'suddenly' Mr Beard just said - the spark had gone from his eyes -so i left it as it seemed in appropriate to enquire further
So Martyn left us - We possibly will never know why, he could have still been here, he could have saved us this pain, but i know when you are in unbearable pain yourself its hard to think of others - maybe he didnt know it would hit us so badly maybe he thought no one cared as we do, i live with depression so i know, your thoughts are not rational . I wish he had 'come home' had taken a moment to contact us maybe a few old memories of good time might have helped - i found that he recently joined fb ive been looking for him for years on fb and friends reunited - i would have told him hey you dont have to go there, we are here - one day Things will get better !
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