Kick my own butt :/

I'm in a low mood :( 
I refuse to mention those people - but they are the cause, i struggle to move on but i do put them aside and have a good day  then they do some thing that just brings back all that hurt and pain. Wednesdays are hardest as i know they are out playing the game i loved and 'my friend'  is enjoying 'my friends' :/ and all at my expence
I dont want to talk about them i didnt want yet another post to be about them. i keep convincing myself i have moved on, and actually i have for the  most part mainly as ive had no choice- but some times im lonely 
i miss the comfort of good close friends and the girly nights i enjoyed , i find it extremely painful that i have lost all i built with new friends when the old one let me down and in allowing her back in my life she now has my life and friends with it and here i am cast out :'(

How do i get over this hurt ? i dont know it keeps attacking me. I REALLY COULD KICK MYSELF
Why do i let them take space in my head ? i dont want them in my life but they still hurt me? what is that all about.
Its the second time around, im guessing coping with it once is enough but twice? to be betrayed twice omg 
BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE 

so tonight i sit and weep feeling sorry for myself hoping i dont slip into that sorrowful mode of depression. I am only clinging on at the edge of that deep dark pit and no way am i gonna let go i cant do that again :(

so what do i do ???  .... 
I dont work, illness stopped me from coping with the stresses of work, most days i couldnt get up :/ so i have no one really other than my husband , sure my kids are around some times but they  have grown up and do their own thing and naturally i only see them when they want some thing .

How can people be so mean, those people you loved and thought loved you ?  i did nothing to be treated like this, is that whats hurting me so much? the injustice of it all ?
I am aware the betrayal has really knocked me and to be betrayed twice by the same person well i gave her the gun i guess i should have know she would use it :/
 

It helps me here to write out the thoughts - no one reads my miserable musings any how im just talking out loud to myself and its out of my head and sits here - a release for want of a friends ear.

So with heavy heart again i leave and hopefully sleep will come soon and i will forget about them for that time at least.