Bit of a bland week :( bored and unable to motivate myself for any thing not done the gym :( :( and i really need to keep on top of the fitness thing otherwise i will be like that very extra large lady on tv just sitting in bed for the rest of my life ,sadly i can see that in my future at the moment, i have to get moving but its really hard. I really have lost some thing in my life the dreams to strive for some thing ive lost the want and need i cant find anything there is no feeling any more and its horrible :( I keep trying but i cant get any routine back in my life every thing i do is such an effort, i cant explain how hard it is even to just go make myself a cup of tea, im tired and fed up with this it seems ive come out of the black hole and there is nothing here for me, its like a writer with writers block i have a blank page and cant put anything on it, but its my life all i have is a void.
I hope things will improve, time is flying by arghh ive looked in the mirror, feel like ive been asleep for 10yrs and just woke up old :( Even the things i love to do are on hold. Think i need to go off and scream for a bit and i dont even have the energy or will power to do that, sat here typing is an effort in its self ................ omg how morbid is this post but this is why im writing i guess to put this out so others can see we are all struggling some in different ways others may be like me. Im hoping things will improve and still trying to find anything that may help me get that ummmph back in my life, a reason to live maybe cos at the moment im just drifting along in a kind of limbo i can see and hear myself but feel like im watching and not really part of it almost ghostly, others say glad you better cos im clearly projecting a 'normal' image of myself and i can see that i am but i cant feel that i am almost like watching a film of yourself i suppose.
Well .. whats today bringing just having a bacon sarnie -diet out of the window again lol what diet he he ~ i need to paint the bedroom but its just not gonna happen today, for now i may just take a nap and see if the latter part of the day is better, i do need to rest my back bit niggly from painting yesterday and im definately gyming tomorrow my friend tells me ! ha
liam
my grandson the yoda lol
My fluffy tuppence
tuppence
Dear Jaynie,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to all you say. For some other reasons than your own, but all the same. The positive side is showing through you, however you are not recognizing it. The fact that you can see yourself in the mirror, wether you see old or young, is just the fact that you can see yourself.
Do me a favour dear, every morning when you wake, write down on this blog an achievable goal for the day....one that you know you will reach. At the end of the day, be impressed, proud that you've reached your goal. Try not to set unachievable goals that will make you depressed or discouraged. Even if the goal is as simple as taking the time to write on this blog, you still will have reached it!
Love reading....keep it up! Accept some positive in your life no matter how small it is....hmmmmm...like having a friend like me that is by your side no matter if we met or not!
Chow beautiful xoxooxx
your soooo lovely deliska ... i do try depression doesnt let you see things in any normal way a mole hill really is a mountain everything is so out of proportion. I am at least on the better side of things now, feel like im finally waking up out of the darkness but those days still pop up but i am now up and fighting. The mirror has been a shock to me, when depressed you dont see your self or look after yourself even simply brushing your hair comes to a halt and it just seems that i have woke up and im older taking me time to get used to it. Im so pleased i have got to know you, dont let my comment hurt you or make you sad cos im winning my battle and i do try to think of good things they just dont always get past the horrible things :( but i am now trying xxxxx
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