Well, :( things not good today been a tired day and I've done very little when really I needed to get on. Even worse I weighed myself today omg how much bad new can one take :( I really have to sort this before its to far out of my control.
Im looking to start a diet from tomorrow, I need to drink a lot more water my skin is suffering from the effects of bad diet and illness and a good healthy eating plan I'm hoping will help me too. Im hoping I find some energy tomorrow to start getting my self in some sort of order I've already let things slip to far I swear I've aged 10 yrs :( :( trouble is with depression you stop seeing your self you dont look after yourself some times you dont even get to brush your hair certainly you dont iron your clothes one crumpled mess. There isnt anything you can do about it during depression nothing matters and you matter least of all, I look in the mirror and it seems like Ive started to waken from a long sleep and missed how old I got. But instead of starting the job of repair and catch up for the lost time, Im left in this grey area, left in some kind of limbo needing to move on but stuck here numb and empty. Now and then there is a want to move forward but an invisible barrier is there preventing me and I dont know how to get over it. I'm not sure its much better than the dark place I've come from, sat here wanting to be 'normal' wanting to get on and live my life but some how trapped, now aware of all thats going on around me but not able to be part of it.
As you can see its a down day, its difficult to explain to people, that you are here going through the motions, laugh without laughing inside, cry without the hurt, I can hear myself and see myself but its almost like Im watching all thats going on ghost like, most days I try to ignore it but on a day like today its so hard to sit knowing my life is disappearing and all I can do is sit here and watch it go.:(