So i put on 2lb :/ thats not the object of the game (SNARL) eating healthy jogging a bit doing far more than normal :/ so whats going wrong with this dieting thing then.
Drinking more water - peeing constantly :S
Monitoring my intake (brilliant site - calorie count and its free) fat content has been on the higher side but lot - hugely- lower than previously
Eating lots of fresh veg - fruit
Following the Depression diet in part (watching the higher calorie/fat foods) SO??? what am i doing wrong
yes i have to have more exercise - hoping pmt is the reason but its not hit me yet although i appear to have the symptoms and i havent finished my pill yet! ummmmm
I need to think of what else i can do so im off to browse the web for ideas although i know 'get off my butt' eat less - well i have been :(
guess it means doing a bit more.....
liam
my grandson the yoda lol
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Monday 28 November 2011
DIETING (before xmas ??)
The dreaded diet is going no-where .... drastic measures are needed and today im on slimfast hoping it will kick me in gear then back to healthy eating
For some time ive been yo yo ing on 2lbs up 2lbs down getting no-where then i will have a gain of 4lbs and not move down from it only to start hte 2lb yo yo ing again :( so 2 replacement meals for me this week and a healthy evening meal lots of veg.
Ive been trying a depression boosting foods diet and i think its helped the only problem is AS PER USUAL is sticking to it and sadly its that PMT week and ive struggled only to find a packed of crisps to curb the craving for a moment :( really annoyed with myself
Note to self DO NOT purchase crisps then you cant eat them!
PMT brings the salt and sugar so crisps and chocolate ughhh!! thankfully inbetween i stuck to my healthy mood lifting foods and not been as bad as usual but it has held my weight in place and hence ive not moved :/
Im busy decorating today so hopefully that will keep my mind off food - The C thing coming up is cause for concern with all the delights of food about all the dining out and drinking :/ im hoping i can at least manage 80% of the time then i wont mind the 20% but i sooooooooo want to get thinner :( time to get my arse in gear or put up and shut up . Sadly now being double my 7stone weight i keep thinking if i dont get in control i will be one of those people they have to knock the house down to get me out, i will end up spending my life in bed eating :( - ok maybe not but who knows i never thought i would be this weight i was almost (naturally not forced) annorexic didnt matter what i did every cream cake in sight and i never moved an ounce i only went up one dress size having my kids and straight back to flat stomach ... After my back injury i went on the sliippery slope of weight gain initially being under 6stone from hospital i had to put on weight for them to let me home - i had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic urghh! mum fed me and fed me and i ate all i could as i didnt want to go back there 2 months of my life was more than enough in hospital! I became a bordom eater through this and its a habit ive not broken however, to add insult to injury i was put on meds that caused weight gain (not to help me put on weight i might add) i had no idea and when i was up and about eating normally and still putting on huge amounts of weight i spoke to the doc (clearly something was wrong) oh yes its the meds your on he casually tell me GRRRRRRRRRRRRR i've never been able to get that weight off. Reading teletext one night it listed meds that cause weight gain and there were mine along with beta blockers and various others and apparently they stay in your system slow your metabolism OH THANKS FOR THAT DOC!!!
They now have the nerve to tell me im over weight ha ha ha !!! guess what i say to them!
So here i am, needing to get off my bum but low blood pressure and fainting being my excuse to sit here a little longer and now its cold to, first frost :( i hate winter !!
Well off to do that decorating before i decide to go to the fridge despite having had my first slimfast :/
For some time ive been yo yo ing on 2lbs up 2lbs down getting no-where then i will have a gain of 4lbs and not move down from it only to start hte 2lb yo yo ing again :( so 2 replacement meals for me this week and a healthy evening meal lots of veg.
Ive been trying a depression boosting foods diet and i think its helped the only problem is AS PER USUAL is sticking to it and sadly its that PMT week and ive struggled only to find a packed of crisps to curb the craving for a moment :( really annoyed with myself
Note to self DO NOT purchase crisps then you cant eat them!
Im busy decorating today so hopefully that will keep my mind off food - The C thing coming up is cause for concern with all the delights of food about all the dining out and drinking :/ im hoping i can at least manage 80% of the time then i wont mind the 20% but i sooooooooo want to get thinner :( time to get my arse in gear or put up and shut up . Sadly now being double my 7stone weight i keep thinking if i dont get in control i will be one of those people they have to knock the house down to get me out, i will end up spending my life in bed eating :( - ok maybe not but who knows i never thought i would be this weight i was almost (naturally not forced) annorexic didnt matter what i did every cream cake in sight and i never moved an ounce i only went up one dress size having my kids and straight back to flat stomach ... After my back injury i went on the sliippery slope of weight gain initially being under 6stone from hospital i had to put on weight for them to let me home - i had a bad reaction to the anaesthetic urghh! mum fed me and fed me and i ate all i could as i didnt want to go back there 2 months of my life was more than enough in hospital! I became a bordom eater through this and its a habit ive not broken however, to add insult to injury i was put on meds that caused weight gain (not to help me put on weight i might add) i had no idea and when i was up and about eating normally and still putting on huge amounts of weight i spoke to the doc (clearly something was wrong) oh yes its the meds your on he casually tell me GRRRRRRRRRRRRR i've never been able to get that weight off. Reading teletext one night it listed meds that cause weight gain and there were mine along with beta blockers and various others and apparently they stay in your system slow your metabolism OH THANKS FOR THAT DOC!!!
They now have the nerve to tell me im over weight ha ha ha !!! guess what i say to them!
So here i am, needing to get off my bum but low blood pressure and fainting being my excuse to sit here a little longer and now its cold to, first frost :( i hate winter !!
Well off to do that decorating before i decide to go to the fridge despite having had my first slimfast :/
Saturday 26 November 2011
Kicking and fighting
Well a few things happening - its kicking in that Nicks not on holiday, ive spoken to him on skype and FB but now feeling the fact hes not here in England and i cant see him - havent seen him for a while and wont be. I hope he will be coming home for a holiday :) and i hope its not to long but flights are expensive so i guess we will wait and see.
Im fighting on, but its been such a tough year to follow the previous 6 rough ones - its left me sick at heart because no matter how i try its just not letting up and talk about being kicked when your down, going dizzy and fainting ive now fallen over and hurt my back :( grrrrr
DIET ahhhh well im still working on that ... bit better than i have been but lost no weight however i have felt bit better with my healthier eating although i have let myself down a few times but hey ho im trying and i plan to get there - No jogging this last week the tiredness has kicked and ive felt quite stressed with tuppence having to go under anaesthetic but shes home very poorly compared to tikka who was bouncing and run out of the vets talk about 2 different reactions. Tups is currently having a few crying moments but finding it better laying on the cool floor tiles. Tikka is still doing very well.
Had some visitors last weekend My niece Jackie popped in then my younger brother his partner and children - we had issues but even though the problem wasnt mine, i decided i needed FOR ME to put them aside. We were always very close and he took that away from us. I think he feels now what he did but it was me that put the matter aside. Since mum died its been obviously hard for all of us but i do believe hes missed our friendship and suprise of suprises came over to my house for the first time in many years. Maybe now we can move on.
Im a bit low but fighting on - i keep taking the kickings of life and all though my kicks back are weak and feeble im am still trying ! here i go again my new style blog is on a downer - so from here its the good bits - not as much as above but lets have a try....
Had lunch with Tracy and Vik yesterday as its Tracys birthday today was a nice afternoon and i was relieved later on to find tups op had gone well.
Diet has not done so well but ive started to supplement my vit deficencies and i think i may be improving - i am tired today but that maybe after the worry of yesterday - i got on quite well earlier felt a bit more 'normal' and eating slightly healthier again still trying! :)
Art exhibit is coming up so sent my forms off just got to get painting now!
Had a letter from my half brother David - He left home a 17 and i hardly know him we couldnt find him in time for mums funeral but now we have and i've sent him photos and given him information he wanted - i believe he wants contact but i have to say from the few moments in the past that ive met him :/ sadly hes not an easy person to get on with but hey lets see how it goes.
Well bit of a struggle but a few things at least - and now i need to zzzzzzz
David as a child one of the few pictures we have of him sadly non as he grew older.
Im fighting on, but its been such a tough year to follow the previous 6 rough ones - its left me sick at heart because no matter how i try its just not letting up and talk about being kicked when your down, going dizzy and fainting ive now fallen over and hurt my back :( grrrrr
DIET ahhhh well im still working on that ... bit better than i have been but lost no weight however i have felt bit better with my healthier eating although i have let myself down a few times but hey ho im trying and i plan to get there - No jogging this last week the tiredness has kicked and ive felt quite stressed with tuppence having to go under anaesthetic but shes home very poorly compared to tikka who was bouncing and run out of the vets talk about 2 different reactions. Tups is currently having a few crying moments but finding it better laying on the cool floor tiles. Tikka is still doing very well.
Had some visitors last weekend My niece Jackie popped in then my younger brother his partner and children - we had issues but even though the problem wasnt mine, i decided i needed FOR ME to put them aside. We were always very close and he took that away from us. I think he feels now what he did but it was me that put the matter aside. Since mum died its been obviously hard for all of us but i do believe hes missed our friendship and suprise of suprises came over to my house for the first time in many years. Maybe now we can move on.
Im a bit low but fighting on - i keep taking the kickings of life and all though my kicks back are weak and feeble im am still trying ! here i go again my new style blog is on a downer - so from here its the good bits - not as much as above but lets have a try....
Had lunch with Tracy and Vik yesterday as its Tracys birthday today was a nice afternoon and i was relieved later on to find tups op had gone well.
Diet has not done so well but ive started to supplement my vit deficencies and i think i may be improving - i am tired today but that maybe after the worry of yesterday - i got on quite well earlier felt a bit more 'normal' and eating slightly healthier again still trying! :)
Art exhibit is coming up so sent my forms off just got to get painting now!
Had a letter from my half brother David - He left home a 17 and i hardly know him we couldnt find him in time for mums funeral but now we have and i've sent him photos and given him information he wanted - i believe he wants contact but i have to say from the few moments in the past that ive met him :/ sadly hes not an easy person to get on with but hey lets see how it goes.
Well bit of a struggle but a few things at least - and now i need to zzzzzzz
David as a child one of the few pictures we have of him sadly non as he grew older.
Thursday 24 November 2011
Its difficult :/
I wanted to change my thinking and doing to improve things to some how put aside all this horribleness that has been in my life for such a long time, and i wanted it to start showing through on here with more positive thoughts and writings - im still trying - however when your life is just filled with sadness and pain almost every day its sooooooooooo difficult, no one really truely understands. When some thing is relentless how do you keep going without screaming, no one can keep having this sort of trauma and pain without it coming through as its the main part of your life and there is little else .
BUT
Moving on ... well
So whats new, tuppence is having her spaying tomorrow - im really worried, shes my fluff ball my little pooch shes laid with me when i couldnt move and let me cuddle her when the pain was so bad and noone else was here to hold me. Tikka has had her lump removed and the fact that she is doing so well makes things easier, shes an old pooch bless her but shes doing well. The lump wasnt benign :( but it wasnt the most vigorous and we will have to monitor her and see how she goes, in the mean time shes fitter and running ha ha yes she ran. shes also got her voice box back :/ ummm lol but it all means shes doing well!
So i may be a wreck tomorrow eeek.....
~THE GIRLS
My friend Tracy has her birthday Saturday :) myself and friend Vikki are going for lunch - need to go find a pressie - will be good to have a distraction whilst tuppence has her op.
Well what next ... we are decorating finally the building work is done and i can get my ' shed ' looking like a house again !! 2 bedrooms underway, we have the tiles for the bathroom at last. The only building work to be done will be the skylight in the landing but it wont interfere with anything else and will be sorted next year. I wont be doing new carpets till next year either i want to get the general decor sorted first, However, this week is drain the money week - end of month all has to be paid and we are a little short from paying for the dogs and we grabbed the tiles whilst they had a discount money we had not intended to spend. We also have to pay for new year tickets and there is a ladies night next weekend so bit of spending going on with little dosh :S
THE DREADED DIETING
Well getting no where fast :/ however im still trying, i have been watching Food Hospital on TV and a lady with depression used food to get well and it worked for her so here i go also along the way i will hopefully lose weight - i have made the bolognaise and its delicious i also had vegetables a 'proper' dinner and im upping the water as i know for a fact that helps because ive done it (and it helped my skin - was best ever) im struggling with exercise but have done some jogging just need to get back in mode and off my bum its been a rough week (again grr)
Im taking so suppliments to help fill the gaps im low on Vit B's iron etc and having a bit of omega 3 and zinc - just been recommended cod liver oil a friend has had some very good results so worth a try!
Well thats it for today ... still clearing things so off i go again and need to shop for that pressie :)
Moving on ... well
So whats new, tuppence is having her spaying tomorrow - im really worried, shes my fluff ball my little pooch shes laid with me when i couldnt move and let me cuddle her when the pain was so bad and noone else was here to hold me. Tikka has had her lump removed and the fact that she is doing so well makes things easier, shes an old pooch bless her but shes doing well. The lump wasnt benign :( but it wasnt the most vigorous and we will have to monitor her and see how she goes, in the mean time shes fitter and running ha ha yes she ran. shes also got her voice box back :/ ummm lol but it all means shes doing well!
So i may be a wreck tomorrow eeek.....
My friend Tracy has her birthday Saturday :) myself and friend Vikki are going for lunch - need to go find a pressie - will be good to have a distraction whilst tuppence has her op.
UMMMMM DONT ASK HA HA HA!!!
Well what next ... we are decorating finally the building work is done and i can get my ' shed ' looking like a house again !! 2 bedrooms underway, we have the tiles for the bathroom at last. The only building work to be done will be the skylight in the landing but it wont interfere with anything else and will be sorted next year. I wont be doing new carpets till next year either i want to get the general decor sorted first, However, this week is drain the money week - end of month all has to be paid and we are a little short from paying for the dogs and we grabbed the tiles whilst they had a discount money we had not intended to spend. We also have to pay for new year tickets and there is a ladies night next weekend so bit of spending going on with little dosh :S
THE DREADED DIETING
Well getting no where fast :/ however im still trying, i have been watching Food Hospital on TV and a lady with depression used food to get well and it worked for her so here i go also along the way i will hopefully lose weight - i have made the bolognaise and its delicious i also had vegetables a 'proper' dinner and im upping the water as i know for a fact that helps because ive done it (and it helped my skin - was best ever) im struggling with exercise but have done some jogging just need to get back in mode and off my bum its been a rough week (again grr)
Im taking so suppliments to help fill the gaps im low on Vit B's iron etc and having a bit of omega 3 and zinc - just been recommended cod liver oil a friend has had some very good results so worth a try!
Well thats it for today ... still clearing things so off i go again and need to shop for that pressie :)
Monday 14 November 2011
Plodding on,,,,,,
Not back to work with only a week left on my contract i dont think i will be returning - :(
However, i had a really nice day yesterday - went to mums grave with sis - walked the dogs tikka is doing really well, we then had a coffee and walked up town to the memorial service for rememberane sunday.
Later in the day sis came up with her hubby and we as a nice evening and a takeaway was a real nice change and if was feeling better although very tired!
Im lazing today but have stuff to do i would like to jog with the dogs but if i do it will have to be later just cant get going yet - im sleeping to much and not sure what to do about it :/
so off for another snooze and hopefully move off my butt later !
However, i had a really nice day yesterday - went to mums grave with sis - walked the dogs tikka is doing really well, we then had a coffee and walked up town to the memorial service for rememberane sunday.
Later in the day sis came up with her hubby and we as a nice evening and a takeaway was a real nice change and if was feeling better although very tired!
Im lazing today but have stuff to do i would like to jog with the dogs but if i do it will have to be later just cant get going yet - im sleeping to much and not sure what to do about it :/
so off for another snooze and hopefully move off my butt later !
Thursday 10 November 2011
Trying !!!
Well - Bad day yesterday, various things but i got through it although it upset me - darts went better than expected considering i was feeling quite poorly
HOWEVER, today ive arranged to go jogging with my mate Vikki (not to be confused with my daughter Viki) only 2 yrs older than my vik but we are friends our relationship isnt like a mother and daughter like many think we should be, we are actually friends as i am friends with Vikki's mum Denise and other friends of mine like Tracy who are close to my own age. We play darts together and at the moment are on the dreaded weight loss and fitness thing - getting nowhere fast :( but at least trying and today we are trying to jog :)
So TRYING!!!! yes trying to move forward put yesterdays crap day behind me and although im not feeling to well im gonna try to jog - i have shopping to do later :( eek mother hubbard cupboard so need to go and i need to sort this house out some what a task that seems never ending and i cant blame Nick any more :/
I had a lovely chat via FB with my nick hes basically on holiday at mo i guess it will take time to move in to nomality also chatted with his girl Viri :) shes very nice and i have to smile as she doesnt totally understand our humour :D
They move in to their own place next weekend and are excited bless them - i guess from then it will stop being like a holiday . so happy for them but miss him so much !
Well need to get going :)
HOWEVER, today ive arranged to go jogging with my mate Vikki (not to be confused with my daughter Viki) only 2 yrs older than my vik but we are friends our relationship isnt like a mother and daughter like many think we should be, we are actually friends as i am friends with Vikki's mum Denise and other friends of mine like Tracy who are close to my own age. We play darts together and at the moment are on the dreaded weight loss and fitness thing - getting nowhere fast :( but at least trying and today we are trying to jog :)
I had a lovely chat via FB with my nick hes basically on holiday at mo i guess it will take time to move in to nomality also chatted with his girl Viri :) shes very nice and i have to smile as she doesnt totally understand our humour :D
They move in to their own place next weekend and are excited bless them - i guess from then it will stop being like a holiday . so happy for them but miss him so much !
Well need to get going :)
Monday 7 November 2011
Trying to avoid the nasties :/
My new blog is suposed to be only good but its difficult in this life of crap that keeps falling on me - Been dragged into someones elses problems - not sure how - and with being unwell its taken its toll on me today :( Im unwell (not been to work for 4 weeks ) low blood pressure and anxiety hmm nothing working to help me get well so far but ...... (well we will see)!
My lovely friend Deliska (who always makes smile at difficult times) has suggested making a list of positives
Its difficult to do this year its been even more full of sadness than the previous 6 years of heartache - i didnt really think it could be anyworse but some how it keeps managing to do so.
Gonna try...
1) Im happy for my son hes finally moving on in life hes now living in mexico (there is sadness in this to for me as hes so far away) I am truely pleased for him just wish he was here
2) My daughter has moved jobs, she seems to like it i hope it all goes well for her she needs some good things in her life (some sadness here too for me as she will no longer be calling in so frequently as shes no longer local) but im glad she too is moving forward
3) My little grandson is getting a big lad now and has a 'girlfriend' Rachel awww bless
4) Tikka Probets got through her op , my mums little pommeranian had a lump on her mammary gland, she came to live with us when my mum passed away in august and this further bad news when bathing her but despite her 12yrs shes got through the op very well and doing nicely thank you!! Tups is being spayed next and praying all will be ok for her too!
5)My lovely friend (mentioned above) got married , i started this blog after reading hers it has helped me hugely for my own personal thoughts through some very bad times it allowed me to vent and cry and see myself on reading back how things were. As i say she married this year she has found a wonderful man and is very happy and that makes me happy :)
That is pretty much my list - its mostly for others that i am happy through them i have been able to smile and able to go on - Ive been trying to think of some things that made me personally happy but i cant, however i have thought of a few acheivements that i have made through a tough time -
1) I managed all my mums estate and sorted all her belongings and just about everything despite a family of 10, i did it at a time i was grieving but the main acheivement of this was that i got through it all
2) Its a slippery slope but im still clinging on to the edge of that dark pit i spent to long in i dont intend going down there and despite the 10 people including my lovely mum passing away this year all the other crap, and other peoples :( im still hanging on - i admit to a few bad days but allowing myself those there has been a lot of grief but im hanging on in there im not sliding down!
3) Illness attacks me once again - ive decided not to return to work, i cant do it and i have decide that i come first i need to get well - I have loved the job (athough full time ) and met the most wonderful people ive ever worked with and feel sad to make this decision but i need to look after me!
The above wont mean much to many but its a huge acheivement for me this is the 7th year and the last of all things nasty if it comes my way for 2012 then im walking away - i want no more of it ( i cant take anymore) so New beginings and although i dont want to wish my life away i will be glad to see the back of 2011 and the previous 6 years i sometimes cant believe all the huge amount of pain hurt distress and loss of loved ones that we have endured - NO MORE!!! that is the last of it.
HA HA the Diet hmmm trying but not acheiving - working on it with my sister we are both struggling a little but i think we need time considering the year its been - We wont ever get over losing our mum but we will move on mum is with us in our hearts and souls and we will get healthy and fit with her blessings :)
ITS A Begin againg Diet too lol
So thats it for today - not as happy a blog as i would wish but im hanging on in there !! that is the main thing
And a few photos of the good things :)
My lovely friend Deliska (who always makes smile at difficult times) has suggested making a list of positives
Its difficult to do this year its been even more full of sadness than the previous 6 years of heartache - i didnt really think it could be anyworse but some how it keeps managing to do so.
Gonna try...
1) Im happy for my son hes finally moving on in life hes now living in mexico (there is sadness in this to for me as hes so far away) I am truely pleased for him just wish he was here
2) My daughter has moved jobs, she seems to like it i hope it all goes well for her she needs some good things in her life (some sadness here too for me as she will no longer be calling in so frequently as shes no longer local) but im glad she too is moving forward
3) My little grandson is getting a big lad now and has a 'girlfriend' Rachel awww bless
4) Tikka Probets got through her op , my mums little pommeranian had a lump on her mammary gland, she came to live with us when my mum passed away in august and this further bad news when bathing her but despite her 12yrs shes got through the op very well and doing nicely thank you!! Tups is being spayed next and praying all will be ok for her too!
5)My lovely friend (mentioned above) got married , i started this blog after reading hers it has helped me hugely for my own personal thoughts through some very bad times it allowed me to vent and cry and see myself on reading back how things were. As i say she married this year she has found a wonderful man and is very happy and that makes me happy :)
That is pretty much my list - its mostly for others that i am happy through them i have been able to smile and able to go on - Ive been trying to think of some things that made me personally happy but i cant, however i have thought of a few acheivements that i have made through a tough time -
1) I managed all my mums estate and sorted all her belongings and just about everything despite a family of 10, i did it at a time i was grieving but the main acheivement of this was that i got through it all
2) Its a slippery slope but im still clinging on to the edge of that dark pit i spent to long in i dont intend going down there and despite the 10 people including my lovely mum passing away this year all the other crap, and other peoples :( im still hanging on - i admit to a few bad days but allowing myself those there has been a lot of grief but im hanging on in there im not sliding down!
3) Illness attacks me once again - ive decided not to return to work, i cant do it and i have decide that i come first i need to get well - I have loved the job (athough full time ) and met the most wonderful people ive ever worked with and feel sad to make this decision but i need to look after me!
The above wont mean much to many but its a huge acheivement for me this is the 7th year and the last of all things nasty if it comes my way for 2012 then im walking away - i want no more of it ( i cant take anymore) so New beginings and although i dont want to wish my life away i will be glad to see the back of 2011 and the previous 6 years i sometimes cant believe all the huge amount of pain hurt distress and loss of loved ones that we have endured - NO MORE!!! that is the last of it.
HA HA the Diet hmmm trying but not acheiving - working on it with my sister we are both struggling a little but i think we need time considering the year its been - We wont ever get over losing our mum but we will move on mum is with us in our hearts and souls and we will get healthy and fit with her blessings :)
ITS A Begin againg Diet too lol
So thats it for today - not as happy a blog as i would wish but im hanging on in there !! that is the main thing
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My fluffy tuppence
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