My lovely friend Deliska (who always makes smile at difficult times) has suggested making a list of positives
Its difficult to do this year its been even more full of sadness than the previous 6 years of heartache - i didnt really think it could be anyworse but some how it keeps managing to do so.
Gonna try...
1) Im happy for my son hes finally moving on in life hes now living in mexico (there is sadness in this to for me as hes so far away) I am truely pleased for him just wish he was here
2) My daughter has moved jobs, she seems to like it i hope it all goes well for her she needs some good things in her life (some sadness here too for me as she will no longer be calling in so frequently as shes no longer local) but im glad she too is moving forward
3) My little grandson is getting a big lad now and has a 'girlfriend' Rachel awww bless
4) Tikka Probets got through her op , my mums little pommeranian had a lump on her mammary gland, she came to live with us when my mum passed away in august and this further bad news when bathing her but despite her 12yrs shes got through the op very well and doing nicely thank you!! Tups is being spayed next and praying all will be ok for her too!
5)My lovely friend (mentioned above) got married , i started this blog after reading hers it has helped me hugely for my own personal thoughts through some very bad times it allowed me to vent and cry and see myself on reading back how things were. As i say she married this year she has found a wonderful man and is very happy and that makes me happy :)
That is pretty much my list - its mostly for others that i am happy through them i have been able to smile and able to go on - Ive been trying to think of some things that made me personally happy but i cant, however i have thought of a few acheivements that i have made through a tough time -
1) I managed all my mums estate and sorted all her belongings and just about everything despite a family of 10, i did it at a time i was grieving but the main acheivement of this was that i got through it all
2) Its a slippery slope but im still clinging on to the edge of that dark pit i spent to long in i dont intend going down there and despite the 10 people including my lovely mum passing away this year all the other crap, and other peoples :( im still hanging on - i admit to a few bad days but allowing myself those there has been a lot of grief but im hanging on in there im not sliding down!
3) Illness attacks me once again - ive decided not to return to work, i cant do it and i have decide that i come first i need to get well - I have loved the job (athough full time ) and met the most wonderful people ive ever worked with and feel sad to make this decision but i need to look after me!
The above wont mean much to many but its a huge acheivement for me this is the 7th year and the last of all things nasty if it comes my way for 2012 then im walking away - i want no more of it ( i cant take anymore) so New beginings and although i dont want to wish my life away i will be glad to see the back of 2011 and the previous 6 years i sometimes cant believe all the huge amount of pain hurt distress and loss of loved ones that we have endured - NO MORE!!! that is the last of it.
HA HA the Diet hmmm trying but not acheiving - working on it with my sister we are both struggling a little but i think we need time considering the year its been - We wont ever get over losing our mum but we will move on mum is with us in our hearts and souls and we will get healthy and fit with her blessings :)
ITS A Begin againg Diet too lol
So thats it for today - not as happy a blog as i would wish but im hanging on in there !! that is the main thing
Keep up the great work, you have put one foot in the right direction, the other is about to follow on through. Love you Jaynie xoxo
ReplyDeleteDeliska :)