I'm so tired, i cant think and i don't know what to do i just feel like going to bed and never getting out of it again.
Some one recently said the past is the past, but sadly its not ...it stays with you forever and even those that choose to try and forget, cant really forget because those memories are always there and just one small thing can trigger them.
I was playing darts a couple of weeks ago when an ambulance flew by, my hands started shaking for no apparent reason, i guess some where in my subconscious the memories of nearly losing my son were there , or my mum or that even someone else may be injured or sick.
In 18 days time i lost someone i loved very much and its already haunting me that the day of my loss is coming, its making me sick at heart and those around me are suffering because of my sadness :(
I am trying to not let it take over my life, but its still so raw and the grief seems to be as strong today as the day he went from my life.
But its not only the one person i grieve for because of the extreme losses we have had through out the last few years it seems almost every week there is someones loss that wrenches our hearts.
I dont think the grieving will ever cease but i am hoping i get to deal with it better than i am at the moment, sadly that day seems such a long long way away ;'(
Positive thoughts???
today its hard to think of anything much ... will try to think of something as the day goes on certainly nothing as of 10am today but its still early hope to update later :/
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