Its not such a good day:( cramps are still with me, i had a bit of relief yesterday but they are back with a vengence and now its wearing me down and im begining to feel low. I am at least able to sit up at the moment and browse the web sites but its not helped in lifting my spirits. My friends all seem to be doing other things, no one has made a comment on my blogs i definately think they read depression and ran, sad that so many people dont understand, its labelled mental illness and that equates to mad axe men and chain saw massacres. Its not like that at all very few are so extreme to harm others and those that do go to extremes usually harm their selves. Most have just a severe sadness inside. Part of the brain shuts down tho protect them selves from any more pain and sadness and a fear builds preventing normal participation in life. Most will suffer some kind of phobia usually unable to leave the house or such. I spend a great deal of time crying not really knowing why despite all the trauma and losses i often cry without any particular thought in my head and bewildered why im snivelling.

The snow is still here and its starting to feel like prison there is little we are able to get on with nothing on tv no one to talk to (even on line) its COLD brrr which i hate and now im laid here feeling pretty rough, things are suposed to get better and i want things to be LOTS better this year but its not a good start :(
Ive not been able to get on with paintings :S time is running out i so hope im better tomorrow i really really need to get on !
Well for now im gonna go read others blogs, they often lift me with their positive attitudes some thing lacking in me but ive been hoping that will change and im doing all i can to change it but days like today are hard but im still fighting :!